Thoughts…

Title: All That You’ll Be
Pairing: Nastia/ Shawn
Rating: PG (It’s on the threshold between G and PG)
Song: All That You’ll Be by Emma Bunton
Notes: I do not own the song, rather Emma Bunton and it’s writers, composers, etc. I do not own the characters because they are real and this story is not a testament of their lives (despite our hopes *laughs*), ideals or morals. The online radio station that is mentioned in this story is actually real (to some extent, it’s actually MY radio station that isn’t really big or actually functional), and neither Shawn Johnson or Nastia Liukin listen to the station (to my knowledge, considering I still have to actually set it up). The name of the station is something I made up, so hopefully I didn’t infringe on an actual name… I’m sorry if I did.
Summary: A song meant so much to Shawn and she never realized what an online dedication would get her.
Word Count: 2, 669 minus the lyrics, 2, 923 with the lyrics

Autumn leaves turn to brown
Just like dreams get swept away
Spring always comes around
Till the first summer’s day
And I hope there never comes a time
Where life seems to pass you by
Cause you must realize

Cause everything in life will change
With every rainbow there is rain
Nothing stays the same
Years will pass and we will grow
One thing you’ll always know
That I love you now for all the things you are
And all that you’ll be

Even if we don’t have it all
We have all that we need
You know I’ll catch you when you fall
You start to doubt
But you believe
The future is impossible to see
And no matter what we become
You’ll be a part of me

Cause everything in life will change
With every rainbow there is rain
Nothing stays the same
Years will pass and we will grow
One thing you’ll always know
That I love you now for all the things you are
And all that you’ll be

You don’t have to worry about a thing
We move in different ways
But we’re still the same
And I will love
All that you’ll be

Cause everything in life will change
With every rainbow there is rain
Nothing stays the same
Years will pass and we will grow
One thing you’ll always know
That I love you now for all the things you are
And for everything you become
Cause I love who you are
And all that you’ll be

Shawn laid on her stomach on her hotel room bed, staring mindlessly at the laptop screen in front of her. She had her headphones plugged in and in her ears. She was tuned in an online radio station and she had requested a song that managed to reach the top of queue, considering it started to play instantly. She loved the song and she loved its melody, but she didn’t love the feeling it gave her.

Shawn felt displaced every time she listened to the song. She knew the song’s meaning could be used in a platonic friendship or a very deep relationship, but she always saw the song with a deep meaning and it made her hurt in a way that was confusing unto herself.

The song itself had a dedication and it was said on-air, but Shawn knew that the recipient of the dedication was not tuned in– it was an online radio station. The DJ of the radio station had let the song fade out before coming in to do a short voice segment.

“That was Emma Bunton with All That You’ll Be, dedicated to Miss Anastasia Liukin by ‘a special friend’ of yours. Tonight is slow jam request night, so keep sending in those requests. Keep it locked here on PhoenixTrance Online or (for those of you listening on radio) 105.3 FM.” Shawn flinched at the bump made by the DJ. She didn’t realize that the online radio station also had a radio frequency which made her think that maybe, just maybe, that Nastia could have been tuned in. Then again, the odds of that happening were slim to none.

Another song began to play and it started to wrench Shawn’s heart, so the young girl pulled off her headphones, but to her misfortune, she pulled out the headphones out of the jack as well and the song began to play from the speakers. She deeply sighed and turned the speakers off before laying her head against the bed. She closed her eyes and groaned, wishing that such songs didn’t affect her like so.

“It’s only a song…a song that means so much to me,” Shawn whimpered, opening her eyes as she began to trace the pattern on her blanket. She began to feel a burning sensation cross over her eyes and before she knew it, tears began to fall. She grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it, hoping that it would keep herself in tact, which wasn’t the case. Tears began to flow freely and soak her pillow, feelings began to overwhelm her and it scared her.

“Shawn?” The young gymnast froze at the call of her name. She knew whose voice was calling out to her, but she refused to move. She heard footsteps come closer to her bed and it made her grow anxious with every step.

“Oh crap…” Shawn thought to herself when she felt the side of her bed sink. She gripped her pillow even tighter in her hands, hoping that the other person would get the idea to leave her alone.

“Shawn, are you okay?” Shawn nodded into her pillow, hoping that it was good enough to send the other person away.

“No you’re not.”

“Well if you knew that answer all along, why did you ask?” Shawn snapped. She flinched at her action and she looked up at the other person, noticing the hurt look. “I’m sorry, Nastia– ignore what I just said.” Shawn turned away and buried her face back into her pillow, feeling a rush of guilt run through her.

“Shawn, what’s wrong?” Nastia softly asked, reaching out towards the other girl. She touched Shawn’s shoulder, but the younger girl recoiled away from her.

“Please Nast… just drop it,” Shawn whispered, pulling her face out of the pillow long enough to talk. Nastia bit her lower lip, she felt so helpless. The saddened look on Shawn’s face sunk her heart, but the tears that stained the younger girl’s face made her heart break. She wanted to pull the other girl into a hug and tell her that everything would turn out okay, but she didn’t want to risk another recoil again.

Instead, Nastia carefully turned towards the laptop that was still on and opened in front of her. She noticed the dedication page that was opened and she couldn’t help but read what was on it. She read the sent dedication and she couldn’t help but smile.

Quietly, Nastia typed in a request and a shout out, hoping the DJ would instantly bump the station with what she asked for, despite the knowledge that several other people were also waiting in line to get their requests in as well. She was ready to click send, but she saw another window opened, so she clicked the other window. The window read:

Hey Shawn John,

Thanks for tuning in on my radio station and I’m glad that it gives you your musical satisfaction. Hopefully you’re spreading the word about my station, I’m kidding, simple promotion couldn’t hurt, right? Anyways, when word had gotten out you listen to this station (which led to my getting several thousand hits), I ended up expanding my station online so many more people can tune in and I’ve also managed to find an empty frequency in nearly every major city in the world so people who don’t have a computer can listen to me on the radio. I managed to find several dedicated people around the world to collaborate with and now their home city is able to locally listen to my station on the radio. Thank you for being a listener and because of what you gave me (which was a large audience and a really huge opportunity) I’m going to give you (along with a few special other people) top queue during request times. If you have a request that you would like to have played immediately, send your request to the link provided below. Feel free to use it as many times as you like, but do keep in mind about the other listeners as well. Anyways, I will not keep you any longer so I once again say thank you and continue to listen.

DJ PhoenixTrance

Nastia raised an eyebrow and smiled as she copied and pasted her request and shout out to the new window the link in the message had provided. She typed in her name and prayed that the DJ would accept it. As she clicked ‘send,’ a feeling of nervousness and excitement began to overwhelm her.

A couple seconds passed when Nastia noticed a reply message from the DJ. She read it and smiled, realizing that her dedicated request would play right after the song being played. She checked the laptop and turned on the speaker volume. The last song was nearing it’s end and it slowly faded out. Nastia crossed her fingers, hoping that the DJ would pull their weight.

“All right guys, we have another special request tonight and we’ll be having a bit of a replay. The song is All That You’ll Be by Miss Emma Bunton, once again. This is dedicated to Miss Shawn Johnson by Miss Anastasia Liukin. I quote, “You don’t have to worry about a thing, we move in different ways, but we’re still the same and I will love all that you’ll be. I love you no matter and you will always be a part of me.” Miss Shawn Johnson, you have a great friend and hopefully you’re tuned in. Here we go, All That You’ll Be,” The DJ announced before playing the song.

As the song began to play, Nastia found herself smiling when the dedication was announced. She bit her lower lip as she glanced over at Shawn, who still hadn’t moved. However, as the song continued, Nastia could feel her heart clench and feel butterflies flutter in her stomach. She waited for Shawn to move, but the younger girl remained still.

The song continued to play and Nastia’s doubts as to whether or not Shawn would move at all started to run through her mind. She began to question if what she did was a reasonable thing to do, considering the circumstances present. The tension that filled the air started to choke her; she wanted to know that the other girl was actually okay and not feigning her feelings so she would leave.

As the song made it to the bridge, Nastia started to see Shawn’s shoulders begin to shake. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, listening to the other girl; realizing that she was crying hard into her pillow. Without a second thought, Nastia laid down beside Shawn and pulled her up against her body.

“Shawn?” Nastia quietly whispered, leaning her mouth close to Shawn’s ear. She carefully brushed Shawn’s hair away from her face, but the other girl buried her face deep into the pillow.

Shawn continued to sob deeply into her pillow, never letting up despite Nastia’s attempt to comfort her. The song started to pull at her heart and all she could do was continue to cry. She didn’t want to speak, she didn’t want to move form her position, she only wanted to cry.

Several minutes passed until Shawn’s tears subsided and she moved the pillow off of her face, letting herself breathe. She rolled onto her side, but kept her back towards the older girl. She clutched onto her pillow tightly, curling herself into a tight ball. She felt Nastia wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Shawn… talk to me,” Nastia whispered, leaning her forehead against Shawn’s head. She tightened her hold around Shawn’s, keeping her close.

“Did you mean it?” Shawn croaked, steeling herself for what was to come. Nastia deeply breathed and slowly exhaled. She contemplated as to what to say; would what she say comfort Shawn or continue to make her hurt?

“I did mean it, I do love you. You’re my best friend and you will always be a part of me,” Nastia explained, feeling Shawn go rigid against her. She raised her hand and blindly searched for Shawn’s hands, covering one of them with her own.

“Nastia…” Shawn quietly whimpered, closing her eyes.

“Shawn… tell me what’s wrong,” Nastia whispered. She closed her eyes and patiently waited.

Even more minutes passed, but Nastia remained patient. Music still played in the air, smoothly easing the tension that was in the air.

“I love you… that’s what’s wrong,” Shawn muttered, eyes still closed. She felt Nastia’s thumb stroking the back of her hand. She didn’t know how to react to the situation at hand; she was broken and her best friend was trying to pick up the pieces in a way that spoke so deeply within her.

“Why… why is it wrong?” Nastia whispered back, slowly opening her eyes. She felt Shawn shake against her; be it from anxiety or tears ready to spill out once again, she didn’t know.

Another few minutes passed once again, and silence encompassed the room. Nastia’s eyelids started to droop as time continued to pass by. Her arm remained around Shawn and her hand still covered the other girl’s. When Shawn stirred, Nastia blinked a few times, watching as the younger girl turned towards her. The torn look on Shawn’s face, mixed with the bloodshot and puffy eyes was enough to make Nastia pull the other girl into a hug, but she didn’t. Nastia didn’t want to ruin the moment if this was going to be the only opportunity Shawn was going to talk to her.

“Because… I really love you. You don’t get it Nastia,” Shawn muttered, eyes looking straight into Nastia’s. Nastia looked into Shawn’s eyes and knew what she meant. She faintly smiled and closed her eyes.

“Shawn, I love you. Maybe I haven’t actually showed it to you in a way that you would know, but the way we act is on the fence between just friends and more than friends. Shawnie, I love you with all my heart– you’re not the only one whose made radio dedications,” Nastia whispered, looking towards the other girl. She saw the confused look on Shawn’s face because she just did a dedication right in front of her, but then a knowing look crossed Shawn’s face.

“Y-you made up those dedications for me?” Shawn questioned, eyes full of hope. Nastia’s smile grew and she nodded.

“Ever since you told me about the radio station, I kept listening to it. I ended up sending my own requests and well, I remained unnamed. Luckily, the DJ played those songs immediately and you were listening,” Nastia quietly chuckled, closing her eyes.

Shawn quietly looked at Nastia, wondering if everything that was happening was real. Were they really having this conversation? Was Nastia actually telling her she loves her? Was Nastia really defining their relationship in a way that Shawn really wanted? Or was this all a dream that Shawn was living in?

“Nastia… do you really love me?” The older girl looked at Shawn quizzically.

“Shawn, I really do love you. I know you probably think that I don’t mean it in a way that you want, but I do. Shawn, there’s a reason why I always chose you to be by my side, there’s a reason why you’re my best friend, there’s a reason why dedicate those songs to you… Shawn, there’s a reason why I’m here holding you, trying to make you smile. I see the way you look at me, the way you act around me differently compared to everyone else– I notice. Shawn, would you believe me that whenever I’m with one of the other girls, I wish it was you? Would you believe me that every time I’m sad, I want you there with me; to hold me? Even if we’re in different places, if we’re in competition, I still hold you in my heart. If you look into your heart, you’ll find out that what you’re hearing is what you want to hear and need to hear.” By now, Shawn had started to cry once again; tears numbly flowing off her face.

Nastia sat up and pulled Shawn up against her, holding her. She felt the younger girl’s arms snake around her waist, clutching onto her for dear life. Her heart pounded in her chest, but she ignored it. She pulled away and pressed her lips against Shawn’s forehead before slowly pulling away and lightly pressing her lips against Shawn’s.

Suddenly, the entire world seemed lost to them. The music still sounded, but everything else seemed to stop for them.

Nastia slowly pulled away and looked down at Shawn, noticing her eyes were closed. She briefly smiled before leaning her head against Shawn’s.

Shawn could feel her heart beating against her chest after the kiss. She never felt so alive and open before. She was in love with her best friend and her best friend was in love with her. She knew things were going to change from that point on, but she knew that she had Nastia by her side. She knew that even though things may or may not work out for her, that Nastia would still love her and that she would love Nastia. The future was certainly out of sight at this moment, but she knew that she wasn’t alone in the journey to find out what would lie ahead of her and them.

“I love you Shawn, and I want you to know that you will always be a part of me. I don’t ever want to let you go or lose you– I always want you here with me,” Nastia whispered, watching as Shawn’s eyes slowly opened.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Shawn muttered, catching Nastia off guard. She saw the other girl flinch, but immediately softened at the question.

“Will you be mine?” Nastia questioned back, earning a smile from the other girl. She softly smiled and leant down for another kiss, knowing Shawn was ready to be with her.