Thoughts…

Title: Crush
Rating: PG
Pairing: Shawn/ Nastia
Song: Crush – David Archuleta
Notes: I own nothing; not the characters for they are real and not the song either… I simply own the plot. This is a sister to “Cute,” of which you don’t have to read; both are standalone pieces. Things centred and bolded are lyrics, by the way.
Dedicated to minireb123, buried_icon and all the tater tot fans; we need more USWGT fics- tots please.
Summary: Nastia could only wonder if what she felt was a crush, or something more.

The quiet din of cars passing through the streets beneath the hotel did nothing to calm the Russian Olympic medalist. Nastia Liukin, America’s golden Olympian, who seemed to be able to focus, concentrate and take control of any situation given to her, felt at a loss.

To her honesty, Nastia felt challenged; more challenged than being in the Olympics. She had no idea why one little thought kept her from staying calm and collected. Every time she thought about that one little idea, she seemed to unravel and lose control; falling into the abyss she called her feelings.

A crush.

That was the ‘little idea’ that constantly put Nastia swirl into a spiral of inner conflict. To Nastia, a crush was simply something small and nothing to lose sleep over; her many boy crushes never affected her so much, but this crush was more than she expected. That one night where she watched Shawn sleep soundly on the bus had her emotionally and mentally conflicted. The way the younger girl managed to unintentionally put her entranced had her reeling. She had no explanation why that night made her see Shawn in a different light, but it did and she knew that her life changed from that night.

Tonight, Nastia began to examine the thoughts and feelings she felt that night and everything seemed to fall back to something that told her she had a crush on her best friend; not a friendly crush that meant admiration or adoration, but a crush that involved the longing for the other to like them in the same way. She knew it was completely irrational to have a crush on her best friend because for one thing, they were girls and girls do not have these kind of crushes on other girls; theoretically. However, theory exists so much in the real world and in the real world, unexpected things are bound to happen, and this was completely unexpected.

An anxious groan came from Nastia as she started to delve deeper into her feelings once again. She rolled onto her stomach and buried her face into her pillow as thoughts began to rush into her mind. All the ‘what if’ questions bombarded her; what if she really did have a crush on Shawn, what if Shawn found out, what if her parents found out, what if everyone found out, what if she liked Shawn for more than a friend, what if she did succumb to her crush? The questions continued to pile into her head and Nastia could do nothing to make it stop. She tried to think of something else, but it somehow led back to Shawn and her crush, which was driving her to the edge.

The quiet monotonous sound from the vibrations of the cellphone had Nastia blindly reaching out for the device. She wondered who would be calling her at that ungodly hour, but any distraction would suffice (in her mind) to keep her on track. She found her phone and lifted her head to see who was calling.

“Is this a sign or something?” Nastia muttered to herself incredulously, noticing it was Shawn who was trying to contact her. She realized that Shawn left her a message and she flicked her phone to read the little note.

‘Hey Nast, are you asleep? Sorry if I woke you, I really can’t sleep.’ Nastia quietly chuckled at the text message; that was Shawn for her, the text messages in the early mornings asking if she was awake. Usually, she would actually be asleep only to wake up and answer the text, but tonight was not one of those nights; she was awake, wide awake. Though conflicted, Nastia answered the text replying that she was awake and that it was okay for her to message her; they were best friends after all. She sighed and buried her face back into her pillow, holding her phone in her hand.

“Should I really be doing this, right now?” Nastia mumbled to herself against her pillow. Before she could go into an internal monologue about what she was doing, her cellphone began to vibrate in her hand. Once again, she pulled her head away from her pillow to look at the display on her phone and saw Shawn actually calling her.

“This is a sign, isn’t it?” She smirked and answered her phone. “Hey, what’s up?” A quiet breathing was all Nastia could hear and she wondered what was going on.

“Hey, you sound really awake,” Shawn whispered, noting Nastia’s bright voice. She rarely ever found Nastia awake so early and so chipper, but there was a first time for anything, right?

“I couldn’t really sleep… too much on my mind I guess,” Nastia quietly replied back, holding herself back with the thought that something might slip. She heard a suppressed laugh from the other line and it made her smile.

“Miss Nastia Liukin, unable to sleep because she has too much on her mind? You slept like a baby before every competition, what changed?” Nastia half-heartedly laugh at Shawn’s response; always the observant one.

“You,” Nastia whispered back and her eyes completely widened at what she said. She pressed her face into her pillow and moved her phone away, groaning loudly into her pillow, realizing she said something that she did not mean to say. She brought her phone back to her ear, waiting for a reply; hoping that Shawn did not hear her whatsoever. Thoughts began to rush madly back into her mind and new ‘what-if’ questions appeared; this was not good. She waited and waited, but there was a silence and it was beginning to make her nervous. She felt her heart thundering in her ears from the anxiety and her palms growing sweatier by the passing second. Did Shawn hear her?

“What was that? I sort of spaced out…” Shawn trailed off into a silence. Little did she know that Nastia was ready to pass out in her room. However, she did hear a deep sigh from the other end of the line, but she thought nothing of it, thinking that Nastia was annoyed that she spaced out.

“Stupid Freudian slips…” Nastia breathed, rubbing her free hand over her face.

“What was that?” Nastia froze and cleared her throat, slapping her forehead.

“Nothing, I think I’m just tired- making me speak really random things,” She replied back, trying to sound as inconspicuous as possible, but her tone sounded otherwise. Luckily, she managed to keep herself from rambling on and eventually setting herself up for defeat.

“Oh… do you want me to leave you alone?” Nastia smacked her forehead again and rubbed her face; wondering what was going on with her. She took a deep breath and tried to collect herself so something she actually wanted to say would come out instead of some random thing.

“No, it’s okay, it’s not like I’m tired to the point of passing out, just tired because it’s late. You don’t have to leave, you’re not doing anything,” Nastia took a deep breath and realized she did not completely withhold herself entirely from rambling. “No, don’t leave me alone.”

“Are you sure?”

“Shawn, always the thoughtful one,” Nastia thought, rolling onto her back as she looked up at the ceiling. “Yes, I’m sure. Anyways, Miss Johnson, why are you still awake?” She heard Shawn giggle on the other end, making her smile.

“If you must know, the tour’s starting to get to me actually; I can’t sleep, I’m getting kind of homesick,” Shawn quietly replied back, answering Nastia’s question.

Nastia quietly sighed at Shawn’s statement. She knew how much the other girl missed being at home after arriving from Beijing; she said so during one of the day offs in the tour. She, too, also missed home; all the interviews and all the promotions she had to do was starting to take a toll on her as well. Even if all she did was fun, it was still tiring.

“So do I, Shawn, so do I. Once the tour is over, we can go home and just relax,” Nastia replied back, hearing a quiet snort from the other line.

“Will I still get to see you?” Shawn’s voice pulled at Nastia’s heart; the sound of apprehension and anxiety evident. The possible look of sadness on Shawn’s face passed through Nastia’s mind and it made her frown; she wanted to run to Shawn and hold her and tell her that everything would be okay.

“Yeah, of course you’ll see me, why do you think you won’t?” Nastia quietly asked, knowing that Shawn would give her an explanation that would undoubtedly have her thinking, after hearing her sigh.

“Come on Nast, what do you think? Once the tour is over, you’ll either be doing more interviews or promos so that will obviously take up your time and those times when you actually have time to breathe, you’d probably want to spend your down time alone after spending nearly three months with other people. Besides, you’ll be occupied trying to figure out university because you’ll be starting off not so later after the tour, so I won’t be able to see you. When you go to SMU, then you’ll be completely occupied, so seriously Nast… will I still get to see you?” Nastia fell silent. All that Shawn said was true, she would become busier once the tour was over; university, possibly more endorsements, there may be little time for herself when she thought about it. She deeply sighed and covered her eyes with her free hand and really wondered what she was going to say. She did not want to raise Shawn’s hopes with her own uncertainty and she did not want to lie to Shawn for the sake of making her feel better or herself better.

“Shawn…” Was all she could muster up and say.

“Nastia… will I see you when all of this is over?” Shawn’s voice started to make Nastia break; the fear in Shawn was starting to go through her.

“Yes… yes you will. I will do whatever I can to see you, okay? We’re best friends, and best friends always stick together, right? I’m not going to let you go or stop seeing you, so stop acting like we’ll never see each other again, got that?” Nastia was determined to convince Shawn that things would turn out. She had no idea how things would turn out because it was still early to say anything for sure, but some things were definite such as university.

“Are you by yourself?” Shawn’s question caught Nastia off guard, throwing her into a loop.