She didn’t know what to do. That was a lie, she did, but she really didn’t want to do that. What was that? Well, that was something she refused to ever acknowledge because that move could possibly make or break their “relationship”.

She glanced through the windshield, hands resting on the wheel, as she looked at Alicia who sat on the hood of the rental car. The entire drive remained as a relatively silent with the occasional sigh or blurt of pessimism; either from the Brown gymnast. They returned back to the barren lot and as soon as they arrived, an hour ago, Alicia stepped out and leant against the hood of the car, staring off at the city. Nathan sat in her seat, unsure if she should approach the other woman; their entire verbal fight finally sunk into her.

“I decided to try gymnastics one last time, but then you completely wipe the mats with me! I wanted to have a great final run, but then you decided to play Houdini and ruin it for me!” That didn’t hurt Nathan because it was out of anger and anyone would say anything when they’re angry. Then again, when anyone was angry, all inhibitions are gone and all truth is revealed.

“You didn’t mean to show up out of nowhere and blow me out of the water? Bullshit, I bet you totally planned this out! Holy shit man! I’m trying to do my best here and I want to be remembered for something more than falling during the Olympics, but you… you show up and screwed things up!” The strong venom beneath the words started to hit Nathan as she recollected that part of the conversation. She buried herself deeper into the seat and sighed, covering her face with her hand as she remembered the rest of the conversation. The sound of broken sobs and the feeling of tears soak through her shirt; everything started to open her eyes. She knew she was dealing with a heavy-hearted gymnast, but now she saw that she dealing with a broken woman.

“What the hell did I get myself into now?” Nathan murmured to herself as she tried to figure out where to go from there. She wanted to help Alicia as much as she could, but she didn’t want to be so self-involved to the point that she couldn’t get out… if she needed to get out.

Pour some sugar on me, ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me, c’mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me, oh, I can’t get enough
I’m hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah

Nathan glanced to the passenger seat and saw Alicia’s phone sitting there. She smirked at the ringtone and reached for the phone, looking out the windshield only to turn and find Alicia at another end of the barren lot, sitting on the gravel ground with her knees pulled up to her chest. Without a second thought, she looked at the display and answered the phone.

“Hello? Alicia’s cellphone, Nathan… answering.” There was a silence, but a few faint voices in the background. “Hello?”

“Hey, N-Nathan, is Alicia around?” Nathan turned to where Alicia sat and saw her completely detached from the world around her.

“Sort of, but she’s kind of busy. Can I take a message?”

“U-Um, I was just calling to see if she was okay, she never came back.” Nathan smacked her forehead and realized she forgot to ask Alicia if she had other plans, but it seemed irrelevant at the moment considering they were already at the barren lot.

“Oh, um, where are you? I’m taking Alicia back to the hotel soon and I don’t know where her room is,” Nathan replied back as she glanced at her watch.

“Room 305.”

“Okay, thanks, she’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, bye.” Nathan hung the phone up and tossed it back onto the passenger seat. She dejectedly sighed and opened the door, heading over to Alicia. She knelt down in front of the other woman and placed her hands on Alicia’s knees. She could feel the pain emanate in the air and it only made her wish that she could drive it away and release the young woman from it.

“Alicia, we should go now.” No reply, Alicia looked up at Nathan with bloodshot and blank eyes. Nathan felt her heart break at the sight and it deeply saddened her. Without another word, she moved to Alicia’s side and pulled the other woman against her, slowly rubbing the woman’s arm. She heard shaky breaths and felt Alicia’s face bury against her neck, hot tears sliding down. Leaving didn’t seem to be an option, only staying and letting the young woman release her pain was.

***

“Okay, didn’t Nathan say she’d be back soon?” The five American gymnasts stood, all sat around in Nastia and Shawn’s room, except for one. Samantha began to pace relentlessly around the small area, worried about her best friend. Everyone else watched her, waiting for her to bore some kind of hole through the floor and fall right through.

“Sam, calm down, they might’ve hit traffic or something,” Bridget stated, her eyes following the blonde in front of her.

“Traffic, at this hour?” Samantha squeaked as she turned around to face the brunette, her face expressing her disbelief. “It’s almost midnight!”

“Okay, Sam, calm down, we’re all worried here,” Chellsie said as she looked over at the evidently worried blonde. She could see Samantha ready to reply back when there was a quiet collection of thuds against the door. Everyone looked at the door and no one moved. Nastia sighed in exasperation as she moved from the bed and headed for the door, carefully opening it. She opened the door all the way when she saw it was Alicia… in Nathan’s arms. Nathan looked exhausted beyond comprehension and the fact that she was carrying Alicia, who was asleep, seemed incredible; what was giving her the strength to continue on?

“Sorry, I met a few speed bumps since you called,” Nathan stated as she slowly made her way into the room, watching as the others leapt from the bed and stood away from them. She passed them and laid Alicia onto one of the beds, only to find herself ready to collapse. Everyone watched as she turned, ready to leave and Samantha was ready to pounce on the woman, but someone else captured Nathan’s attention first.

“Come with me,” Shawn quietly said as she approached the taller woman, grabbing her hand and leading her to the bathroom, shutting the door behind them. The other four looked at each other with furrowed brows and confusion as to what just happened.

“What was that?” Bridget whispered, only to gain shrugs from her friends.

As soon as Nathan and Shawn entered the bathroom, Shawn released the taller woman’s hand, letting her go. Nathan groaned and walked over to the vanity, leaning against it with her hands propped against the edge of the countertop. She looked over to the door and saw Shawn leaning back against it with her arms crossed in front of her. The look of confusion, frustration and determination coloured the young woman’s eyes and Nathan knew that words could possibly be the least of her worries.

“Say it, just… say it,” Nathan whispered as she waited for the flurry of questions to come from the other gymnast, but only found silence, a short silence.

“Who are you?” Three words, only three words came from Shawn’s mouth, but they seemed to convey so much more meaning behind them; the sound of nervousness, confusion and bitterness were laced within each syllable. Nathan nodded and drew a quiet breath before she cleared her throat.

“I am Nathanial Taylor Mackenzie, I’m 23 years old and I go to UCLA,” Nathan simply answered, but because of Shawn’s tone, she knew that her answer wasn’t sufficient enough. She lowered her head and pulled herself onto the vanity, sitting on top of it. “That’s not what you want to hear, though, is it?” She heard Shawn sigh and saw a deadpanned look appear on her face.

“You’re a smart one. So let’s try that again… please,” Shawn uttered flatly as she looked up at the older woman. Nathan released a half-hearted chuckle and leaned back against the wall.

“I’m only here to help her, Shawn. I don’t know her, she doesn’t know me, but she needed help even if she didn’t want it. What else do you want to know?” Shawn smirked and shook her head as she looked down to the floor only to look passively back up at Nathan.

“You…? I don’t-you’re damned right she doesn’t know you! Helping someone never comes free, especially since she is Alicia Sacramone. I’m sure that didn’t go to your head.” Nathan blankly stared at Shawn. Who knew America’s Sweetheart was like so? When the words sunk into Nathan’s mind, she scoffed and laughed at Shawn’s naïveté.

“You think I don’t know that? Of course helping someone is never free, so please don’t start telling me that I don’t know what I’m doing. So what if she’s Alicia Sacramone, I could care less if she was Candice Parker, or Serena Williams; Alicia needed help!” Nathan shot back, only to realize her strong tone which made her sigh.

“You just said it, if it’s not free, what are you doing?” Shawn ran a hand through her hair and moved away from the door, walking over to the wall across from Nathan. Her gaze remained fixed at the other woman as she spoke; her tone inflicting accusation, “You have an angle. It’s not like she couldn’t've turned to any one of us!”

“Angle? Angle?! You think I have some kind of angle in all this? For crying out loud, I only want what’s best for Alicia! If you think I’m trying to get something out of helping Alicia, something for myself, sure, the only thing I want out of this is for her to be happy. I’m one of the damn peer counsellors at UCLA, so I do this every day!” Nathan paused, collecting herself as she realized her voice grow louder before she continued. “I don’t know why she turned to me when she had you all, but the only logical answer I have for that in my eyes is that she didn’t want to be seen as weak in front you all. She was your captain, wasn’t she? She was supposed to be the strong one and the one who held all of you up when you were all breaking, but I don’t think she wants to be seen as the one breaking. She probably thinks that what she’s going through, you guys wouldn’t get it and I offered her insight that probably gave her a reason to talk to me and not you.” The bathroom echoed every word; the walls sounded each sentence into Shawn. The unfiltered explanation drew her mind back to Alicia’s earlier words from the hallway; the desperation laced into her voice. It was almost too much for Shawn to hear, or bear. Alicia was the strong and capable sister and captain that everyone turned to and the idea of her being less than was conceivable, but the thought that it was reason enough not to talk to them was unfathomable.

“She… she feels like that?” Shawn whispered in a raspy voice as thoughts began to fly through her mind, reasons that Alicia would turn to someone else instead of them becoming clear. “But… it’s Ace…” Nathan moved from the counter and knelt in front of Shawn, taking her hands into her own as she looked at her. She saw the understanding in the Iowan’s eyes and knew she cleared some things, for now.

“She loves you guys, always know that. She wants what’s best for you and I want what’s best for her.  Please understand that, I’m not trying to undermine anyone, I’m only here to help. She’ll talk to you guys eventually, but if she’s comfortable with talking to me for now, will you not question it? If you’re wondering if I’ll tell anyone, that’s just against my contract and my conscience.” Shawn looked down at the woman in front of her and turned to the ceiling, unsure of how to reply to what was said. She squeezed the hands that held her own and pulled them away, wrapping her arms around Nathan’s neck.

“I don’t trust you 100 percent. If you are using her in any freaking way, you will have an entire team ready to hunt you down,” Shawn whispered, assuring the older woman that hell would break loose if they ever found out she was using Alicia to her advantage. Nathan chuckled and pulled away, looking at Shawn with a half-smile on her face.

“I’ll have to prove that I’m trustworthy, I know that and I wouldn’t doubt for a second you’d hunt me down. I’m just glad she has friends like you,” Nathan whispered back as she stood back up onto her feet. She leant back against the counter and saw the confused look that appeared on Shawn’s face. “What?”

“Don’t you have another competition tomorrow?” Nathan loudly groaned and rubbed her face with her hands.

“Yes and it’s well past midnight… great.” Shawn quietly laughed and headed for the door, opening it and leading Nathan out.

She didn’t know why she sent a text. She didn’t know why she wanted to talk. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have other people to turn to, but… she turned to her. She could feel her heart thump loudly in her ears as she brought her phone up to her ear.

“Hello?” She shut her eyes and realized what she was doing. She quietly sighed and leaned back against wall opposite of Nastia and Shawn’s door. “Alicia, if you’re there, answer me.”

“Hey,” She reluctantly replied back, trying to keep a light tone despite her raspy voice. She wrapped her free arm around herself as she looked up at the ceiling, wondering what she was meaning to say.

“Hey, what’s up?” Nathan’s voice sent tingles up her spine and she didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

“Nothing really, how are you?” Alicia heard the quiet laugh from Nathan and deeply sighed.

“You can skip the small talk, you know that?” The other woman responded back.

“Life sucks,” Alicia flatly replied back, only to hear another chuckle from the other woman. She glanced down the hallways, hoping no one would hear her.

“No duh, life sucks; we can’t do anything about it but move on and deal with it. But that wasn’t what you were about say.” Another silence hovered onto the conversation and it seemed that nothing else would be said. Alicia remained hesitant, she feared that saying too much would be completely stupid considering Nathan was practically a stranger to her, but the amount of hesitancy wasn’t strong enough since she still made contact with the other woman. She opened her mouth, ready to say something, when she heard another voice through the line.

“Nathanial!” A female voice called out from the other end, drawling the name. Alicia heard a loud grunt and supposed it was Nathan.

“Lindsay! Ugh, get off! I’m trying to talk to someone here!”

“Is it Alicia?” The Brown gymnast froze in the hallway. The idea of being caught-that didn’t appeal to Alicia at all.

“Ugh, none of your business dear friend, now please get-ugh!” A muffled thud and laughter sounded through the line.

“Nathanial!” Another female voice called out.

“Riley, get off! What’s with you two?” Alicia shut her eyes once again when she realized her conversation with Nathan had been completely interrupted.

“Seriously, is that Alicia?” Alicia heard the voice and guessed it was Lindsay. She was praying strongly, hoping that Nathan wouldn’t reveal her.

“Why do you think it’s Alicia and why would you care?” Nathan’s tone and reply was somehow comforting.

“Okay, well you and Alicia Sacramone have been pretty close these couple of days. And I care because you managed to make me care. Tell her I’m sorry about insulting her.” Alicia furrowed her brow and scratched her head. She was gaining some sort of apology?

“Whatever you say, now…” The line went silent until Alicia heard a faint thud and a grunt. “I’m going to take this call outside. I’ll be back.” The sound of footsteps, heavy breathing and a door clicking open then close occurred. “So, yeah, what were we saying before I got my behind jumped?”

“She’s apologizing?” Alicia immediately asked, unsure of how to take the indirect apology from the UCLA gymnast.

“Yeah, Lindsay apologized… sort of.”

“Why?”

“Because I decided to put everything in perspective for her; she went on a guilt trip and everything happened from there. I said that I would talk to her, didn’t I? Anyways, are you okay?” Nathan explained, only to cut to the main point.

“I’m perfectly peachy,” Alicia lied; wondering if that would throw the other woman off. She heard the scoff and knew what she said didn’t do anything.

“I saw the look on your face earlier. Dude, I didn’t know if you were about to run off, cry, or knock me out.” The line fell silent and Nathan wondered if Alicia had hung up on her. She leaned back against a wall and waited for some kind of response.

“You suck, you know that?” Nathan raised her eyebrow at the words. She started to make her way down the hallway.

“I do?” She heard a loud exasperated sigh and knew she was about to hear an emotional response.

“Because you do! I mean, you’re so logical it’s sickening! The way you perform during competitions, it’s way too perfect! Everyone’s brushing me aside because of you, you’re suddenly the number one player and I’m some washed up has been. I decided to try gymnastics one last time, but then you appear and completely wipe the mats with me and it isn’t fair! I wanted to have a great final run, but then you decided to play Houdini and ruin it for me! You totally suck!” Alicia retorted back, nearly yelling into her cellphone. She took a deep breath and ran her free hand through her hair. Nathan, on the other hand, cringed at the reply. She had a feeling Alicia was holding back her emotions, but she had no idea how much she was holding back.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“You didn’t mean to show up out of nowhere and blow me out of the water? Bullshit, I bet you totally planned this out! You knew that I wouldn’t be in shape to perform and that would give you enough time to plan out a new strategy!” Alicia shut her eyes and slammed her free hand against the wall near her. “Holy shit man! I’m trying to do my best here and I want to be remembered for something more than falling during the Olympics, but you… you show up and screwed things up! NCAA should be mine! Sure, I sound like a selfish jerk, but it sucks like hell that I’m starting to be pushed aside so easily!” Nathan raised her eyebrows and deeply sighed, running her hand through her own hair. She turned the corner of the hallway and saw Alicia pacing feverishly down one end, away from her.

“Alicia…” was all she whispered as she noticed the frustration in the other woman’s actions.

“Damn it, Nate, it’s not fair! I just… I don’t want to feel so weak!” Nathan took a quiet breath and walked down the hallway, her free hand behind her neck.

“I know it’s not fair, Alicia, but you have to take it into stride. You overcame Beijing and you can overcome this. I’m sorry you feel that I’m upstaging you, but I didn’t plan on it and you know that. I worked my ass off to get where I am and you worked yours to get to Beijing and you made it!” Nathan stopped herself and knew her tone started to sound unbecoming. She shook her head and tried to remain cool as she continued, “You worked yourself so hard that of course you’ll feel weak; you practically kicked your ass to make it on the Olympic Team. You recovered from the Olympics, but did you really recover? There will always be that thought that if you came back, would you really have anything left after the Olympics? You went back to Brown and then you’re back on the gymnastics team. You’re ready to run yourself into the ground.” Alicia clenched her free hand into a fist and faced the wall, leaning her forehead against it as she let out a shaky breath. She felt tears begin to sting her eyes, but she let them fall; fighting them didn’t seem worth it.

“You’re so… logical.”

“I’m not going to lie to you, Alicia, I’m here to talk. I told you, if you need or want to talk, just call me and you did. I’ll only tell you generally what you should hear and it’ll be your choice if you heed or ignore it.”

“Why do you care?” Alicia quietly asked, her voice breaking near the end, with tears falling down her face.

“Because I do… turn around,” Nathan whispered as she stopped walking and watched as Alicia slowly turned to her direction. She closed her phone and placed it into her pocket when she saw the other woman tightly clutch the phone and run towards her. She quietly grunted when Alicia ran into her, arms around her body; crying. She didn’t expect the reaction she received, but nonetheless, all she could do was carefully wrap her arms around the shorter woman, letting her cry. “Alicia…”

“I hate this, Nate… I hate this…” Alicia whispered, clutching onto Nathan as tight as she could. Her thoughts stopped running and all she could do was cry. All the pent up emotion within her started to pour out with every word, every tear and every breath. Her energy began to disappear with the release of emotion and the next thing she knew, her legs gave way underneath her, but Nathan managed to catch her before she fell.

“Alicia, we should get to your room,” Nathan quietly suggested, knowing the hallway wasn’t an ideal place to be. She looked down and saw Alicia’s face buried against her shirt, remaining unmoved even with the broken sobs against her chest. She felt her heart break with every choked breath and it made her sick to think that Alicia thought of herself as weak when she wasn’t.

“No,” the other woman flatly answered, turning her head slightly to breathe.

“But-”

“Let’s go for a drive,” Alicia croaked, hoping Nathan would say yes. She refused to see any of her teammates or her friends in the current state she was in, it was too… humiliating.

“Are you sure-”

“Yes, please… I need to get out of here.” Nathan took a deep breath as she reluctantly agreed, carefully standing up, helping Alicia onto her feet.

“It’ll be okay.” The two walked down the hallway to the elevator, both with relatively heavy hearts. Their departure, however, wasn’t left unseen.

The next day wasn’t as bad as before, she managed to keep herself falling, but she still found herself short from getting top marks… or runner up… she nearly missed placing at all. It ended with Team Finals Vault, she should’ve been able to wipe the competition with it, but she didn’t. She looked to her far left and saw the gymnastics team from LSU and found Nathan’s UCLA team at the top spot. She faintly smiled at the LSU gymnasts and almost fully smiled towards Nathan, despite the sinking feeling she felt. As they all moved from their spots, she found a flurry of smiles directed at her; most of them were from her teammates, but a few of them were from her teammates.

“What are you all doing here?” She looked in disbelief at her younger friends: Shawn, Nastia, Samantha, Bridget and Chellsie, all of them had smiles on their faces.

“Why wouldn’t we be here? You said that you were hanging up the leotard,” Nastia started, only to have Chellsie continue.

“But then we found out you were still competing and we decided to get our butts over here.”

“Don’t you guys have classes? Do your parents even know you’re all here?” Alicia questioned her friends, wondering how they managed to arrive in Lincoln with their school schedules as well with their parents’ consent. As much as she was glad for their appearance, she didn’t want to know that they were in trouble because of her.

“Okay, dude, duh we have classes but we managed to find out you were still competing so we all called each other up and flew over here. And, all our parents know-do you honestly think Nastia and Shawn can just appear here without permission?” Samantha immediately answered, cutting off the older gymnast. Alicia bit her lower lip and quietly laughed as she saw the glares from the mentioned women sent toward Samantha.

“Anyways, you did awesome, and I swear that you totally got ripped off by that UCLA girl,” Bridget said as moved the attention from Samantha.

“Yeah, but her vault was still amazing,” Shawn unknowingly answered, only to receive glares from the others, except for Alicia, who chuckled. She bit her lower lip and realized what she said.

“Yeah, Nathan’s vault was amazing, so it’s no surprise that her team won, right?” Alicia asked as she turned to look for the UCLA team. She saw the bright smile on Nathan’s face as well as the wide grins on the rest of the Bruins team. She was happy for them, that they won and that they had an excellent teammate, but it still hurt her to know that she nearly missed placing. When she turned back to her friends, she saw their concerned looks on their faces. Her face, in turn, pulled into confusion as she said, “What?”

“Are you okay, Alicia?” Nastia placed her hand on the older woman’s shoulder, noting the odd look Alicia had when she looked at the UCLA team. She also sensed the sadness in Alicia’s voice as she spoke.

“I’m okay-I’m okay Nast,” Alicia faintly smiled. She knew her friends weren’t convinced, but she really had nothing else to say.

“Hey Sacramone, you did awesome today!” The six young women turned to find the UCLA gymnast approach them, with a bright smile on her face, alone. Alicia looked up at the taller woman and quietly said a word of thanks.

“Thanks, you completely wiped us out of here.” Nathan sheepishly smiled and shook her head. “You were great though.”

“Thanks, but you still did awesome. A few of the other gymnasts, from other colleges, are gonna head out right now for a bit to a restaurant and chill out, do you want to come?” Alicia glanced back to her friends before she looked back up at Nathan. She solemnly shook her head and bit her lower lip.

“Thanks, but I have…” Nathan looked past the other gymnast and saw the rest of the Olympic Team before a smile crossed her lips.

“No problem, it’s all good. It’s nice to see you all.” The five other gymnasts smiled at the other woman and nodded in reply. They watched as Nathan turned back to Alicia and place a hand on their former captain’s shoulder. “I should get going; I’ll see you tomorrow at Event Finals.”

“I’ll see you later,” Alicia whispered back as she hugged the other gymnast.

“Of course, stay cool, okay?” Nathan whispered back, knowing Alicia would be the only one to hear her. She pulled back far enough to kiss the shorter gymnast’s temple before pulling away completely. She took one last glance at the other gymnasts before saying goodbye and departing.

“She seems really cool,” Bridget said as she watched the taller woman exit the gymnasium.

“Yeah… she is. Come on; let’s go back to the hotel and catch up, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Alicia deeply breathed as she turned to her friends with a forced smile on her face. She wanted to leave the gymnasium, everything seemed to go downhill; she needed to unwind.

***

The six young women stayed in Shawn and Nastia’s room for the remainder of the afternoon, watching occasional episodes of Gossip Girl, and catching up with each others’ lives. There were laughs, but a few tears were shed during their reminiscing.

“I’m glad for this, you know?” Alicia said as she looked at her friends across the beds, smiles on their faces.

“I missed this, I missed you all,” Shawn added as she turned to all of her friends. Alicia smiled and nodded as she picked at the comforter they sat upon. Her sudden quiet demeanour wasn’t lost to her once teammates and now friends; it wasn’t like Alicia to remain quiet for so long, unless something bothered her.

“Hey Ace, is there an ice cream parlour around?” The sound of Nastia’s voice pulled Alicia out of whatever reverie she was in. The older woman glanced at the blonde and saw a knowing look on her face which made her nod.

“Yeah, it’s not that far from here.”

“Good, let’s go get some ice cream,” Nastia stated as she moved from the bed, waiting for her friend to follow her. “We’ll be right back.” Alicia slowly followed her out of the room as they made their way down the hallway to the elevator of the hotel. Once they entered an elevator car, sure that it was only them, Nastia looked at the brunette whose expression made evident that she was in another world.

“It sucks, you know.” Nastia turned to her friend and saw the silent tear that ran down her face.

“What does?” was all she could say as she wiped the tear away.

“I’m feeling like a weak gymnast and the NCAA is completely kicking my ass,” Alicia quietly said as she gripped the railing of the elevator, her gaze directed to the floor. She felt a sinking feeling within her and she hated it. She didn’t feel the arm Nastia wrapped around her shoulders for comfort; it felt numb.

“You aren’t weak, Alicia, your body’s beat up tremendously. Besides, you can’t win everything,” Nastia replied back, suddenly feeling her friend freeze against her. The silence hovered in the elevator and it bothered her, she felt so helpless.

“It’s not about the winning anymore, Nast. I go out there and compete and it’s okay that… I’m not doing well, but it seriously sucks that I’m being pushed to the side so easily. I-I just don’t-I hate feeling so…”

“Washed up?” Nastia quietly suggested as she saw Alicia nod.

“I wanted to give gymnastics one last go before I officially retire, but it’s not going my way. Some people are so hung up when I fall because of the Olympics and I’ve gotten over it-” The words that came from Alicia’s mouth abruptly stopped. She remembered the day before when Lindsay openly insulted her, using Beijing as support, and the want to punch her out was strong. Then, the recollection of her at the bar came to her mind. Everything seemed to go against her and it made her feel sicker.

The elevator bell tolled and the doors opened. Alicia immediately exited with Nastia following behind her, worry written all over her face. She briskly walked through the lobby and ended up walking into another person. She muttered a word of apology, but found a hand wrapped around her wrist.

“Slow down, where’s the fire at?” Alicia tensed at the sound of the familiar voice. Was it a sign?

“N-Nathan,” The name barely slipped through Alicia’s lips as she looked up at the taller woman. Here she was once again, when she felt like dirt. She saw the suddenly concerned look on Nathan’s face and realized she must have pulled some kind of expression without knowing it. She felt the hold on her wrist tighten and she knew she should be talking; however, she didn’t speak when the hold on her wrist turned into a hold on her hand.

“Nathanial, hurry your butt!” Nathan looked down at their clasped hands and slowly dragged her thumb along the palm of Alicia’s hand. She glanced at the shorter woman and saw her gaze directed at the ink inside her hand.

“Coming!” Nathan called out as she gently squeezed Alicia’s hand before letting her go and turning to Nastia with a small smile on her face. She patted them both on the shoulder before running off to the elevator where most of her friends were.

Alicia deeply sighed and balled her hands into fists as she shut her eyes, turning away. She started to walk out of the hotel without a second thought. Nastia looked back to where Nathan disappeared to and wondered what the exchange between the two was about. She furrowed her brow and turned back to look at Alicia, only to realize she was already halfway out the door.

“Alicia!” she cried out as she ran after the older woman.

***

The two returned to the hotel with a small carton of vanilla ice cream in tow, but the earlier low moods remained. Alicia stayed silent throughout the small walk and remained so when they returned to the hotel room. The others picked up on the mood, but decided not to push on it, knowing Alicia would eventually voice her troubles. They ended up quietly watching Grey’s Anatomy, though the heavy mood lingered on everyone’s mind.

During a later episode, Nastia noticed as Alicia pulled out her cellphone and glanced at her left palm before sending a text. She furrowed her brow and watched as Alicia speedily typed in a text and put her phone away, only to have it ringing a few moments later.

“Hey, I’ve got to take this, I’ll be right back,” Alicia stated as she stood up and left the hotel room without another word.

She wasn’t supposed to fall like that. She wasn’t supposed to fall period. It was a Floor Exercise, she was supposed to be pro at it, but she fell. She fell at the Olympics and now she fell once again at the NCAA. She was nervous and it wasn’t fair because this wasn’t the Olympics, it was another college competition… against other colleges in the country. Now, here she was, sitting at the bleachers waiting for her next event as she saw her name drop on the scoreboard.

“Bears are supposed to be fierce, not clumsy.” She looked to the side and found two women approach her in their sweats; one of them with an evident smug smirk on her face, while the other had an exasperated look. She clenched her fists and fought the urge to punch this know-it-all for insulting her indirectly.

“And what are you supposed to be, a blueberry?” Alicia retorted back as she looked at the full blue and white leotards and sweats the other young women had on. She unintentionally pulled on a glare and watched as the one with the smug smirk glare back at her.

“Blue bears with a punch,” The woman who had an exasperated look quietly said as she looked to the floor, not noticing the blank look on Alicia’s face.

“At least we weren’t the ones who cost America gold at the Olympics.” Alicia flinched at the words and was ready to stand up when the quiet gymnast quickly spoke.

“Okay, let’s go because I have a Floor Routine to get to,” The gymnast quickly interjected as she wrapped an arm around her verbal teammate and dragged her off to the other end of the bleachers. Alicia blankly watched as they walked away, but she saw that young woman look back towards her mouthing a word of apology.

***

The NCAA Championships preliminaries ended with a heavy blow to Alicia. She deeply sighed and found herself fifth beneath a Stanford gymnast and that UCLA gymnast whose friend offended her. The loss and the words spoken to her hurt her deeply despite hearing it before and it unfortunately led her to the bar of the hotel most of the teams stayed at for the NCAA Championships. She sat at the bar and hadn’t bought a drink… yet. The bartender approached her once again, the third time that evening, and asked her if she wanted some kind of refreshment. Her mind juggled between yes and no; it wouldn’t be a great idea if someone from the other teams or judging panel saw her drinking.

“No, she was waiting for me.” Alicia turned around on her stool to figure out where the voice came from and who discouraged her drink. She saw a tall female wearing a baby blue loose top with a denim skirt and white shoes while her dark hair flowed down her shoulders. She furrowed her brow and wondered who this woman was when she recognized the worry lines on the woman’s forehead. She watched as the woman approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder, looking at her. “Come on; let’s go, sorry about the wait.”

“Oh, weren’t you the one in the top three from today’s competition in gymnastics?” The bartender’s question caught both Alicia and the woman by surprise; a bartender knew about gymnastics? Alicia looked over at the other woman and forced herself from smirking.

“Me? Nah, you probably have me confused with someone else. Anyways, let’s go,” The woman brightly smiled as she grabbed Alicia’s hand and practically dragged her off of the stool and off to the main lobby.

“You lied,” Alicia flatly stated as she looked up at the taller woman. Her eyes gazed from their clasped hands back up to the woman’s face.

“So sue me,” The woman jokingly said as she finally let go of Alicia’s hand as they entered the main lobby. She collapsed onto a chair and looked over at the other woman whose look of disapproval made her laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Alicia asked; her brow knitted together as she spoke.

“Do you ever notice that you’re giving off some kind of look?” The next look that came about was a confused one.

“What?”

“Right before you asked me what was funny; you gave me this really annoyed look or something. Like earlier, when you gave us a comeback about being blueberries, you glared at us,” The woman answered back, only to be receive a blank look from Alicia.

“I glared at you?” The woman nodded which made Alicia frown. “Hey, you guys insulted me.”

“Yeah, that was Lindsay’s doing, not mine. The only reason I said anything was to try and lighten the mood and to keep you two from killing each other on the spot. With Lindsay, agreeing with her takes less effort because what she said was obscure-mentioning the Olympics was low, yes I know-but everything else could’ve been taken by stride. I, eventually, talk to her and get her to understand what our perspectives are.”

“You sound like a sheep,” Alicia scoffed at the explanation.

“Okay, if I disagreed on the spot, then there would be a heck of a lot of more pointless bickering between all three of us. Which would you choose? Bickering on and on about nothing or agreeing and just moving on, letting me talk to her after and get her to apologize?” The woman asked back as she backed up her thought. She saw the conflict in Alicia’s eyes and knew she delivered her point across.

“Okay, I’ll give you that, but why did you have to drag me from getting a drink?”

“You know what, come with me.” Alicia watched as the woman stood up and extended her hand towards her. She raised an eyebrow and questioningly looked at the practical stranger.

“And I’m going to trust a stranger, why?”

“Because this stranger saved you from being possibly attacked by the other teams and your coach if they found out you were about to get drunk because you lost today.” Alicia glared at the woman for assuming such a thing, but that rationalization was relatively dead on.

“What makes you think I was gonna get drunk because of losing?”

“Come with me and I’ll tell you. If I’m wrong, you can tell me why I was wrong.” Alicia looked between the woman’s face and the hand extended towards her. She knew that saying yes would be completely unorthodox because the woman was a stranger and saying yes could lead her to her demise. Without full thought, she placed her hand in the other woman’s and allowed herself to be taken away.

***

The two drove up to a barren lot that overlooked Nebraska and exited the rental car, approaching the guard railing. Alicia smiled at the skyline; the city lights brightened her mood. She looked up at the sky and saw the many stars and the bright moon; her negativity disappeared. She leaned against the hood of the car and turned to her companion who, too, sat on the hood beside her.

“How did you know about this place?” Alicia watched as her companion crossed her arms over her chest and smiled.

“My brother stayed in Nebraska, went to university here and he showed me a few places where it’s pretty quiet so he can get away.”

“Your brother went to Nebraska? Then why are you in UCLA?” A quiet laugh was all Alicia heard. She watched as the other woman nodded and looked at her.

“Yeah, my brother went to Nebraska because he was a big writer and wanted to get some exposure with the U of Nebraska Press. As for me, I went to UCLA because L.A. has something there I like and between UCLA and Stanford… UCLA’s mascot seemed more appealing than Stanford’s.” The explanation about the choice of mascots made Alicia chuckle, even if she had to choose between UCLA and Stanford by mascot, she would’ve picked UCLA any day.

“A tree doesn’t seem that appealing unlike a bruin,” Alicia smiled as she turned her gaze back to the skyline in front of her.

“And drinking during a competition doesn’t seem appealing either.” Alicia froze. She really didn’t want to talk about the incident at the hotel’s bar… at all.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Don’t even think of closing up on me now!” Alicia deeply sighed and moved from the hood and re-entered the car. She leaned the seat back as far as it could and stared at the ceiling of the car, hearing and seeing her companion enter the driver’s side. She remained silent and clasped her hands over her abdomen, trying to think of a decent explanation for being at the bar.

“You were right.” She looked over at the other woman and saw her seat tilted back all the way, lying on her side towards her with her elbow propped against the seat and her head resting against her hand.

“Go on…” Alicia sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“I was at the bar… because I lost today,” She reluctantly answered. She turned back to the other woman and saw an expression that spoke words to her; she knew her companion wanted to hear more.

“I’m not judging you.”

“Well… okay, it was Beijing… when I fell… twice. It sucked, man, feeling like you cost your team gold. I know that mathematically we wouldn’t have won, but still, my falls just happened to be icing on the cake-makes me instant scapegoat. Ugh, when that… teammate of yours decided to bring that up, I wanted to punch her out because she didn’t know what I felt that moment, what we were going through! I just wanted to momentarily forget about it, you know?”

“Alicia, this is alcohol we’re talking about. If you keep turning for a bottle of booze every time you feel like crap, you will be like crap. I mean, if you wanted to momentarily forget, talk to you friends or something. Look here, I took you up here and you looked down at the rest of the city and you forgot about Beijing and about losing.” Alicia looked back up at the ceiling and smiled because that was true, she did forget about the negativity when she looked down at the city.

“Are you always this right?” The other woman laughed and sighed. Alicia turned back to her companion when she felt a hand clasp with her own.

“Seriously, though, don’t turn to alcohol because it isn’t worth it. Talk to your friends, talk to your family, hell, talk to me for all I care, just don’t drink.”

“What happens if I want to talk to you and we’re not in the same competition-hypothetically speaking, of course?” Alicia watched as the woman released her hand, sat up, pulled out a pen from the visor and grabbed her hand, writing numbers against her palm. “You’re writing your phone number?”

“Cellphone, feel free to call whenever you like-or text, I don’t think it’s possible to answer calls in the middle of class.”

“Are you serious?” Alicia asked incredulously.

“My words might not sound serious, but I am. If you need to talk, want to talk, just call me if you have no one else around or if you just want to talk to me period. Keep the drinking at parties or none at all, okay?” The woman stated firmly as she made sure her phone number was inked into Alicia’s hand before she clasped that hand once again.

“You’re really serious?” The incredulous look never left Alicia’s face.

“I already wrote my number, so of course I’m serious. Come on; please set your seat in an upright position because we are heading back to the hotel.”

“Already?” Alicia watched as their hands disconnected and her companion replaced her seat back to its original position. She eventually complied and moved her seat back, but her gaze never left the other woman.

“It’s getting late and we have another competition tomorrow.”

“Oh great…” Alicia groaned as she pulled her seat belt on.

***

Alicia headed back to her hotel room with the other woman beside her. They remained relatively silent with the occasional small talk in the mix. When Alicia arrived to the door of her room, she looked up at her companion and smiled, quietly thanking her for the reality check.

“It’s okay, I’m glad to have distracted you somehow.”

“Still, thank you.” Alicia felt a small kiss pressed against her forehead and then it dawned upon her. “Wait, I never got your name.”

“Nathanial, but I go by Nathan or Nate. I’ll see you tomorrow at the gym okay, Sacramone?” Alicia raised her eyebrow at the odd choice of name for a female, but nodded nonetheless as she watched the other woman walked down the hallway.

Title: Say Goodbye

Rating: G

Fandom: United States Women’s Gymnastics Team

Song: Say Goodbye by S Club 7

Notes: I do not own the characters or the song featured. I shall say that this is completely inspired by this fic by shawty_swingz. Angst, I tell you, angst! Oh and here’s a download link to the song, just in case you don’t have it. Please put the song in repeat; makes the fic more dramatic, HAHA! *Places a box of tissue on an imaginary LJ table*

Summary: It is the final day the entire team has together as one unit in Beijing before they take their separate roads in life once they return home.

It was the final day that Alicia Sacramone, Bridget Sloan, Chellsie Memmel, Nastia Liukin, Samantha Peszek and Shawn Johnson would spend a day all together as one bonded unit-a family-before they returned home to America and went their separate ways. Sure, the tour would somehow get them back together, but it wouldn’t be the same; not everyone would be there all in the same day-everything was going to be different. The six girls all found themselves in Nastia and Shawn’s room, lying on the two beds that had been pushed together, looking at each other in silence. They thought about having some kind of reunion every so often because they were more than teammates, they were friends, they were sisters; abandoning each other was not an option, but they knew that their schedules would be gruelling at some point and that not everyone would be able to make it.

The thought of actually splitting up and going back to their own lives was something hard for all of them to comprehend. They had spent so many months together that they couldn’t really see themselves without the others around. All the bonds had been created and for them to be slowly strained due to absence, it wasn’t the brightest thought for any of them. It also didn’t help that Nastia was leaving for America the following day while all of them were bound to stay a couple days longer or until the closing ceremonies, it made the reality of separation that much more real.

“I really don’t want to leave,” Shawn whispered, looking across to see Samantha looking back at her with eyes mirroring her own anxiety. She reached out with her right hand and entwined them with Samantha, feeling another hand entwine with her left. She took a deep breath and sighed as she felt Nastia hold her hand as she crawled up and lied behind her, holding her.

“I don’t think any of us do,” Alicia breathed, as she slowly crawled up behind Samantha, mirroring Nastia and Shawn’s position. She looked up and saw that Chellsie and Bridget were in the same position; all three pairs making a relative circle.

“I’m really going to miss you guys,” Bridget choked out, feeling tears well up in her eyes. She took a deep breath and willed for them to stay back, but every passing second and thought made her willpower wane. She felt Chellsie rub her arm, trying to comfort her, and it did to an extent.

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

All six of them had tears forming in their eyes, but all of them willed them back; they wanted to be strong for one another. Saying goodbye wasn’t going to be easy if they had trouble thinking about it. They all looked at each other and remembered the days when they would practice together, eat together and hang out together, wishing that it would never end.

“I don’t want to say goodbye…” Nastia whispered, her face pressed up against Shawn’s shoulder. She couldn’t handle the reality that it was almost over. She took a deep breath and looked up at the other girls, seeing a knowing and understanding look on all their faces which partially eased her heart.

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don’t you cry
‘Cause true love never dies

“No one does, Nast, but we all have to eventually. What am I saying, we’ll eventually see each other down the road, this isn’t goodbye, it’s more like a see you later,” Alicia replied back, her voice cracking as tried to hold back her tears. She half-laughed, hoping to lighten up the mood, but she saw the unchanged looks and sighed, pulling Samantha closer to her.

In a year from now
Maybe there’ll be things
we’ll wish we’d never said

Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don’t you cry
‘Cause true love never dies

“I wish everything didn’t have to happen so fast, I just want to stay with you guys forever,” Chellsie breathed, watching as everyone held onto each other as if they were their last lifeline. She, too, tightened her hold on Bridget, wishing time would stand still.

“We’ll see each other, maybe not all at once, but we will. We’ll figure something out during the tour, all of us will stay in one city and just hang out,” Shawn stated, wiping her eyes from the tears that threatened to spill down her face. She saw the half-smiles on the others as she tightened her grip on Samantha and Nastia’s hands.

“It’s not the end, why are we freaking out like we’ll never see each other?” Bridget asked, already knowing the answer, but the question nagged at her.

“Because we live miles apart… our lives are going to change once we leave Beijing,” Samantha answered, looking over at Bridget, seeing the sadness in her eyes.

“Well, why are we just lying here then? If this is our final day, shouldn’t we try to make the best of it? There is no way I’m going leave Beijing depressed,” Alicia stated, pushing herself off of the bed into a sitting position. She looked over at everyone else and sighed. “Come on… as team captain, I say we go out.”

“Alicia…” Nastia quietly drawled out, watching as the other girl began to pull everyone up into sitting positions.

“Seriously, I’m not letting us waste this perfectly good day. Today is our last day and we’re making the best of it, got that? Nastia’s leaving tomorrow and then we’ll all leave for our own lives; this is our day, so let’s get on it,” Alicia stated, but she immediately wanted to bite her tongue when she saw Shawn’s tears freely flowing down her face. She realized that reality was truly setting on the younger girl and all she could do was crawl over to Shawn and pull her into a hug.

And when you need my arms to run into
I’ll comfort you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every day
So say goodbye
But don’t you cry
`Cause a true love never dies

Everyone eventually joined into creating a group hug. All of them held onto each other and soon all their tears were flowing down their faces and none of them were willing to make it stop, it was their moment; their bond as a family. They knew that despite this turn in their lives that everything would be okay, everything would turn out for the best. Nothing would break their bond and nothing would forever separate them; they were a team, they were friends, they would never let each other go.

“I love you guys and know that it’s never going to be goodbye, it will always be a see you later,” Alicia whispered.

The quiet din of cars passing through the streets beneath the hotel did nothing to calm the Russian Olympic medalist. Nastia Liukin, America’s golden Olympian, who seemed to be able to focus, concentrate and take control of any situation given to her, felt at a loss.

To her honesty, Nastia felt challenged; more challenged than being in the Olympics. She had no idea why one little thought kept her from staying calm and collected. Every time she thought about that one little idea, she seemed to unravel and lose control; falling into the abyss she called her feelings.

A crush.

That was the ‘little idea’ that constantly put Nastia swirl into a spiral of inner conflict. To Nastia, a crush was simply something small and nothing to lose sleep over; her many boy crushes never affected her so much, but this crush was more than she expected. That one night where she watched Shawn sleep soundly on the bus had her emotionally and mentally conflicted. The way the younger girl managed to unintentionally put her entranced had her reeling. She had no explanation why that night made her see Shawn in a different light, but it did and she knew that her life changed from that night.

Tonight, Nastia began to examine the thoughts and feelings she felt that night and everything seemed to fall back to something that told her she had a crush on her best friend; not a friendly crush that meant admiration or adoration, but a crush that involved the longing for the other to like them in the same way. She knew it was completely irrational to have a crush on her best friend because for one thing, they were girls and girls do not have these kind of crushes on other girls; theoretically. However, theory exists so much in the real world and in the real world, unexpected things are bound to happen, and this was completely unexpected.

An anxious groan came from Nastia as she started to delve deeper into her feelings once again. She rolled onto her stomach and buried her face into her pillow as thoughts began to rush into her mind. All the ‘what if’ questions bombarded her; what if she really did have a crush on Shawn, what if Shawn found out, what if her parents found out, what if everyone found out, what if she liked Shawn for more than a friend, what if she did succumb to her crush? The questions continued to pile into her head and Nastia could do nothing to make it stop. She tried to think of something else, but it somehow led back to Shawn and her crush, which was driving her to the edge.

The quiet monotonous sound from the vibrations of the cellphone had Nastia blindly reaching out for the device. She wondered who would be calling her at that ungodly hour, but any distraction would suffice (in her mind) to keep her on track. She found her phone and lifted her head to see who was calling.

“Is this a sign or something?” Nastia muttered to herself incredulously, noticing it was Shawn who was trying to contact her. She realized that Shawn left her a message and she flicked her phone to read the little note.

‘Hey Nast, are you asleep? Sorry if I woke you, I really can’t sleep.’ Nastia quietly chuckled at the text message; that was Shawn for her, the text messages in the early mornings asking if she was awake. Usually, she would actually be asleep only to wake up and answer the text, but tonight was not one of those nights; she was awake, wide awake. Though conflicted, Nastia answered the text replying that she was awake and that it was okay for her to message her; they were best friends after all. She sighed and buried her face back into her pillow, holding her phone in her hand.

“Should I really be doing this, right now?” Nastia mumbled to herself against her pillow. Before she could go into an internal monologue about what she was doing, her cellphone began to vibrate in her hand. Once again, she pulled her head away from her pillow to look at the display on her phone and saw Shawn actually calling her.

“This is a sign, isn’t it?” She smirked and answered her phone. “Hey, what’s up?” A quiet breathing was all Nastia could hear and she wondered what was going on.

“Hey, you sound really awake,” Shawn whispered, noting Nastia’s bright voice. She rarely ever found Nastia awake so early and so chipper, but there was a first time for anything, right?

“I couldn’t really sleep… too much on my mind I guess,” Nastia quietly replied back, holding herself back with the thought that something might slip. She heard a suppressed laugh from the other line and it made her smile.

“Miss Nastia Liukin, unable to sleep because she has too much on her mind? You slept like a baby before every competition, what changed?” Nastia half-heartedly laugh at Shawn’s response; always the observant one.

“You,” Nastia whispered back and her eyes completely widened at what she said. She pressed her face into her pillow and moved her phone away, groaning loudly into her pillow, realizing she said something that she did not mean to say. She brought her phone back to her ear, waiting for a reply; hoping that Shawn did not hear her whatsoever. Thoughts began to rush madly back into her mind and new ‘what-if’ questions appeared; this was not good. She waited and waited, but there was a silence and it was beginning to make her nervous. She felt her heart thundering in her ears from the anxiety and her palms growing sweatier by the passing second. Did Shawn hear her?

“What was that? I sort of spaced out…” Shawn trailed off into a silence. Little did she know that Nastia was ready to pass out in her room. However, she did hear a deep sigh from the other end of the line, but she thought nothing of it, thinking that Nastia was annoyed that she spaced out.

“Stupid Freudian slips…” Nastia breathed, rubbing her free hand over her face.

“What was that?” Nastia froze and cleared her throat, slapping her forehead.

“Nothing, I think I’m just tired- making me speak really random things,” She replied back, trying to sound as inconspicuous as possible, but her tone sounded otherwise. Luckily, she managed to keep herself from rambling on and eventually setting herself up for defeat.

“Oh… do you want me to leave you alone?” Nastia smacked her forehead again and rubbed her face; wondering what was going on with her. She took a deep breath and tried to collect herself so something she actually wanted to say would come out instead of some random thing.

“No, it’s okay, it’s not like I’m tired to the point of passing out, just tired because it’s late. You don’t have to leave, you’re not doing anything,” Nastia took a deep breath and realized she did not completely withhold herself entirely from rambling. “No, don’t leave me alone.”

“Are you sure?”

“Shawn, always the thoughtful one,” Nastia thought, rolling onto her back as she looked up at the ceiling. “Yes, I’m sure. Anyways, Miss Johnson, why are you still awake?” She heard Shawn giggle on the other end, making her smile.

“If you must know, the tour’s starting to get to me actually; I can’t sleep, I’m getting kind of homesick,” Shawn quietly replied back, answering Nastia’s question.

Nastia quietly sighed at Shawn’s statement. She knew how much the other girl missed being at home after arriving from Beijing; she said so during one of the day offs in the tour. She, too, also missed home; all the interviews and all the promotions she had to do was starting to take a toll on her as well. Even if all she did was fun, it was still tiring.

“So do I, Shawn, so do I. Once the tour is over, we can go home and just relax,” Nastia replied back, hearing a quiet snort from the other line.

“Will I still get to see you?” Shawn’s voice pulled at Nastia’s heart; the sound of apprehension and anxiety evident. The possible look of sadness on Shawn’s face passed through Nastia’s mind and it made her frown; she wanted to run to Shawn and hold her and tell her that everything would be okay.

“Yeah, of course you’ll see me, why do you think you won’t?” Nastia quietly asked, knowing that Shawn would give her an explanation that would undoubtedly have her thinking, after hearing her sigh.

“Come on Nast, what do you think? Once the tour is over, you’ll either be doing more interviews or promos so that will obviously take up your time and those times when you actually have time to breathe, you’d probably want to spend your down time alone after spending nearly three months with other people. Besides, you’ll be occupied trying to figure out university because you’ll be starting off not so later after the tour, so I won’t be able to see you. When you go to SMU, then you’ll be completely occupied, so seriously Nast… will I still get to see you?” Nastia fell silent. All that Shawn said was true, she would become busier once the tour was over; university, possibly more endorsements, there may be little time for herself when she thought about it. She deeply sighed and covered her eyes with her free hand and really wondered what she was going to say. She did not want to raise Shawn’s hopes with her own uncertainty and she did not want to lie to Shawn for the sake of making her feel better or herself better.

“Shawn…” Was all she could muster up and say.

“Nastia… will I see you when all of this is over?” Shawn’s voice started to make Nastia break; the fear in Shawn was starting to go through her.

“Yes… yes you will. I will do whatever I can to see you, okay? We’re best friends, and best friends always stick together, right? I’m not going to let you go or stop seeing you, so stop acting like we’ll never see each other again, got that?” Nastia was determined to convince Shawn that things would turn out. She had no idea how things would turn out because it was still early to say anything for sure, but some things were definite such as university.

“Are you by yourself?” Shawn’s question caught Nastia off guard, throwing her into a loop.

“So you know, we’re supposed to be trying to stay healthy during the tour. We shouldn’t be eating too much candy,” Nastia stated, leaning back on the couch beside Shawn, looking at the other five before taking a look at the large bowl of candy corn on the glass coffee table. She watched as everyone, in their orange and green sweats, continuously eat the candy corn placed in front of them; occasionally taking a couple for herself.

“Says the girl who nearly ate half of the bowl,” Alicia stated, tossing a candy corn into the air, nearly catching it in her mouth. She almost caught it if it wasn’t for the other piece of corn that hit her on the face, forcing her to look away, and having the piece she threw up in the air hitting her on the top of the head. She turned to the direction from whence the piece came from and found Shawn pointing towards Nastia; innocent fear on her face. She turned her attention to Nastia and saw her gaping at Shawn, unable to comprehend that she was practically told on.

“Shawn!” Nastia cried out, watching as the younger girl jumped off of the couch she was sitting on, landing right on Samantha, Chellsie and Bridget’s laps. Those four watched as Alicia and Nastia looked at each other; a kind of confidence on their faces as they approached the bowl of candy corn on the table.

“Oh no,” Chellsie breathed, noticing the growing predatory looks on the other two’s faces.

“Someone grab the bowl,” Samantha whispered, watching as the older girls neared the bowl, but no one moved an inch from the couch.

“You honestly think I’m going to jump in there? I’m not going to survive,” Shawn muttered, looking over her shoulder too look at Samantha in utter disbelief.

“Oh crap! Dive! Dive! Dive!” Bridget abruptly cried out, watching as Alicia and Nastia both savagely reach for the bowl. She unceremoniously shoved Shawn off of her and onto the carpet, while she grabbed Chellsie and dove to the floor, joining Shawn.

“That’s for throwing it at me!” Alicia cried out, chucking a handful of corn at Nastia, hitting her in the face all at once. The other girl gasped and grabbed a handful of corn and followed Alicia, who started to move away, throwing the corn in her hand at her. Unfortunately for Samantha, Nastia missed her target and ended up hitting her square in the face. The younger blonde blankly stared at Nastia and blinked a few times.

Suddenly, a menacing silence fell upon the room; Nastia stood beside the coffee table with her hands over her mouth, looking at Samantha; who had an unfaltering look on her face. Chellsie, Bridget and Shawn slowly crawled to the end of the couch, with hopes of avoiding a possible fallout. They all watched as Samantha calmly and quietly made her way to the bowl of candy corn, taking two handfuls of the candy; one handful ended up on Nastia’s head while the other made it on Alicia’s head.

“Oh… crap…” Bridget muttered, watching as the three girls simply look at each other with no expression on their faces.

“Food fight!” Alicia cried out, running towards the bowl while the others did the same. All of them attempted to attack each other with candy corn; candy flying all over the room. The entire room was filled with laughter and covered with candy corn.

“Not the hair!” Alicia shouted, feeling some of the corn fly into her hair and stay embedded. To her dislike, the others chucked more corn into her hair. However, she managed to stand up, grabbing someone’s hand and taking them down on the couch.

“Ah!” Shawn yelped, as she found herself thrown on the couch. She saw Alicia’s hands ready to tickle her sides, but to her surprise, found Samantha jumping on the older girl’s back.

“Back away from the girl!” Samantha shouted, managing to pull Alicia away.

“Hey, back off!” Nastia called out, trying to yank the younger blonde off of Alicia’s back.

“Hey now! Let’s calm down!” Chellsie stated, trying to separate the girls from each other. Bridget attempted the same, but found herself being slapped across the forehead by Samantha when she was getting pulled off.

“Oh, you did not!” Bridget cried out, glaring at Samantha. The other girl’s eyes opened wide and she immediately jumped off of Alicia’s back, heading for the bedroom.

“Pillow fight!” Alicia shouted, watching as Bridget run after Samantha. A collective fit of laughter found its way to the bedroom and a flurry of feathers made its way out the door. Maybe too much candy corn wasn’t too bad after all.

Title: Who Do You Think You Are
Rating: G
Fandom: USWGT
Song: Who Do You Think You Are – Spice Girls
Notes: I do not own the people referred in here nor do I own the song that is featured and the song that is mentioned. I heard the song and I had to write something on it. Completely Alternate Universe-it almost went with the tour timeline, but apparently not.
Summary: One song, one impromptu dance party, one party pooper. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

Luckily, that night was one of the nights where everyone could finally relax. Alicia, Shawn, Bridget, Chellsie and Samantha all barged into Nastia’s hotel room, dragging a large stereo with them. Nastia had no say as to whether or not everyone could simply waltz into her room considering Alicia nearly brought down her door with her pounding and that everyone was yelling to get in. Unfortunately for her, sleeping early was completely gone. She sat on the edge of her bed as she watched as Alicia dropped the large stereo on the floor while Samantha pulled out a CD from a case she was holding. She had no idea why everyone wanted to be in her room at that hour; 10:00 being quite late in her eyes, with a stereo. Suddenly, music began to loudly blare from the speakers of the stereo and all that Nastia could do was fall back onto her bed and grab her pillow, pulling it onto her face.

“The race is on to get out of the bottom,” Alicia half-sang, half-called out as she hopped towards Samantha.

“The top is high so your roots are forgotten,” Samantha half-sang as well, looking at Alicia.

“Giving is good, as long as you’re getting,” Chellsie loudly sang, looking over at Bridget.

“What’s driving you is ambition and betting,” Shawn sang, walking over to Nastia and ripping the pillow away from the older girl’s face. She grinned at the exasperated look on Nastia’s face as she pulled her up onto her feet.

“I said-ah who do you think you are, do you think you are, I said-ah who some kind of superstar, you have got to!” Bridget continued on, looking over her shoulder at Shawn and Nastia; noticing the deadpanned look on Nastia’s face.

“Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are? Trust it, use it, prove it, groove, show me how good you are! Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are? Trust it, use it, prove it, groove, show how good you are!” Nastia’s jaw dropped during the chorus and she fell back onto her bed when she saw all of her friends doing the same choreography-the exact choreography for the song that the Spice Girls did for their concerts. She thought that the Soulja Boi dance was something she would never understand, but this, this took the cake. However, she found herself being pulled back onto her feet when Shawn grabbed her hands and pulled her up; the younger girl was not going to leave her on the bed.

“Don’t be a party pooper, Nast!” Shawn called out, over the loud music. She pulled Nastia further from the bed to make sure she would not collapse on it again. She was determined to get Nastia to dance, even if it meant coercing her to do so.

“You’re swelling out in the wrong direction,” Alicia sang, taking Samantha’s hands into her own; both of them jumping onto the bed and leaping on it.

“You’ve got the bug, superstar you’ve been bitten!” Samantha half-sang and half-laughed as she and Alicia kept jumping on the bed.

“Your trumpet’s blowing for far too long!” Shawn and Chellsie cried out.

“Climbing the snake up the ladder, but you’re wrong!” Samantha and Alicia both called out, jumping off the bed and landing beside Nastia and Shawn, completely ignoring the tenants beneath them.

“I said-ah who do you think you are, do you think are! I said-ah who some kind of superstar, you have go to!” Bridget came in, taking Chellsie’s hand and pulling her to create a small circle around Nastia and Shawn. Nastia sighed and covered her face with her hands as her friends began to do the same choreographed routine for the chorus again. All of them were singing loudly and she knew that she would get kicked out of her room or the hotel for that matter because of this.

“Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are? Trust it, use it, prove it, groove, show me how good you are! Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are? Trust it, use it, prove it, groove, show how good you are!” Everyone began to hip bump each other during the small break; everyone was laughing and smiling during the entire thing despite Nastia completely staying silent and giving everyone death glares that could have possibly killed them all. Suddenly, everyone stopped and Shawn pulled away Nastia’s hands from her face and pointed towards the older girl. Nastia could see the determination on Shawn’s face, but she was not going to give in; not now, not ever.

“You have got to reach on up, never lose your soul. You have got to reach on up, never lose control!” Shawn sung by herself, pointing from Nastia to the ceiling, slowly wagging her finger down before pointing back to Nastia and doing the same actions again.

“Come on, Nastia, you can’t beat us or girl power!” Alicia called out, trying to coax the other girl into joining them.

“I said-ah who do you think you are, do you think are! I said-ah who some kind of superstar, you have go to!” Everyone, but Nastia, loudly sang, noticing the unchanged deadpanned look on the Russian’s face. However, when the chorus came, they heard a loud grunt in disapproval, but saw faint smile on Nastia’s face.

“Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are? Trust it, use it, prove it, groove, show me how good you are! Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are? Trust it, use it, prove it, groove, show how good you are!” Nastia finally joined in, realizing that if she couldn’t beat them that she would have to join them. She shook her head as she took part of the group choreographed routine for the chorus but when the chorus came up again, she sang all the other parts and grabbed Shawn’s hands, swinging her around.

“Swing! Shake! Move it! Make it! Trust it! Use it! Prove it! Groove it!” Nastia sang quite loudly, louder than the others and as the song came to an end, she collapsed on her bed, pulling Shawn down with her. The two looked at each other and the others all looked at each other and grinned before quickly bolting out of the room, dimming the lights down. To their unknown amusement, 2 Become 1 began to play.

Title: I Love You From Afar

Pairing: Alicia/ Nastia, Shawn/Nastia (squint for this pairing) Alicia/Sam (squint for this one too)

Song: What Hurts the Most – Rascal Flatts/ Cascada/ Jo O’ Meara

Rating: PG

Notes: I do not own the song, nor the characters. This is rather angsty stuff, so be warned- if you’re depressed, don’t read this yet. Takes place during the Beijing Olympics. Please note that I may be emphasizing some things that may be seen disagreeable (it’s in the first couple of lines… ha… ha…), but consider it from the character’s point of view, not mine.

Summary: She has to smile even when it hurts.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don’t bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok

But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I’m doin’ It

It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most was being

so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

I’m saying that loving you

That’s what I was tryin’ to do

Alicia dejectedly walked into the room she shared with Samantha, despite their efforts of winning silver in the gymnastics team finals. Even though the majority of the team suffered point deductions throughout the finals, she felt that she made the team suffer immensely with her performances. She fell off the balance beam from a mount she had continuously attempted to perfect prior the Olympics and she fell again in her floor routine. It was supposed to be her moment; a comeback, but it turned out disastrous. She was supposed to be seen as the one who had the experience to keep her cool during these kinds of times, but she let her nerves get to her, making her do those avoidable mistakes.

“Alicia… it’s not your fault,” Samantha whispered, trying to console the other girl. She watched as Alicia pad for her bed, climbing in and sitting at the head of the bed, with her knees pulled up and arms around her legs. She followed the other girl and sat beside her, wrapping a comforting arm around her.

“How the hell isn’t it my fault?” Alicia thought, leaning her head against her knees. She believed that because of her falls, it degraded the morale of the team, which made Nastia and Shawn step out of bounds during their floor routine.

“Alicia, it could’ve happened to anyone at anytime. You can’t blame yourself for this because you’re a great gymnast and all great gymnasts will have their faults,” Samantha tried to explain, rubbing her hand across Alicia’s back. Unfortunately for her, she was met with a very strong reply.

“How do I not blame myself, Sam? I was supposed to be the comeback kid and be that gymnast that would secure the U. S. Team the gold, but no, I came back and ended up screwing us over!” Alicia snapped back, her anger and frustration resonating in her voice. She looked over at the other girl and saw the shocked look on her face which made her mentally curse herself.

“Alicia-” Alicia raised her hand and interjected.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of said that.” Samantha sighed, but nodded. She knew what the other girl was going through, so she couldn’t tell her off about getting over what she was feeling- not yet. Instead, she pulled Alicia into a hug and kissed her on the temple.

“I’ll let you brood… but if you’re still brooding by the time we get back to America… well be prepared to deal with me,” Samantha snickered, pulling away, looking over at the other girl. She saw the faint smile on Alicia’s face which made her smile.

“Thanks…” Alicia whispered, watching the other girl stand up from the bed.

“I’m here for you if you need to talk, okay?” Alicia half-smiled and nodded, watching the other girl nod back towards her before walking towards the bathroom. She leant her head back against her knees as she heard the bathroom door close and the shower run. The feelings of guilt, frustration and anger surged through her, but she couldn’t do anything about; well she could, but it would have counted as something irrational.

“Augh.” Alicia groaned and realized staying in the room wasn’t going to make her feel any better. She climbed out of the bed and looked at herself in the mirror, staring at the silver medal that hung around her neck. Out of irritation, she pulled the medal off of her neck and tossed it onto the bed before changing out of her uniform into a pair of jeans and a blue long sleeved shirt.

As she headed towards the door of the room, Alicia half-opened the door before questioning whether or not she should tell Samantha she was leaving; for all she knew, the other girl might jump to conclusions about her disappearance. She risked it, walking out of the door without a word.

Samantha, realizing she forgot something, went back into the bedroom. She opened the bathroom door to find Alicia still brooding on the bed, but the other girl wasn’t there. She didn’t let it faze her, knowing that the older girl needed her space and that she wanted to process all that had happened on her own. She also noticed that Alicia’s medal was lying haphazardly on the bed with her uniform. She walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, noticing the slightly torn seam on the ribbon. Picking up the medal in one hand, Samantha started to the trace the medal with her other hand.

“Oh Alicia…” Samantha whispered, covering the medal with both of her hands.

***

Alicia started to make her way down the long hallway towards the elevator. She believed that a walk outside would be nice or at least a break outside would do her some good. She clasped her hands behind her neck as she kept her gaze towards the floor, trying to understand how she could do perform so bad that night. Her teammates were doing so well with their events, but when it came to her, where it mattered possibly the most, she failed. The first fall on the beam was something she could live with and get over, but falling a second time on the floor; that was simply much more harder to live with. She felt that her falls shook the rest of the team up which led to their faults, but it could have been much more complicated than that. Nonetheless, she felt responsible for the team’s loss; especially one person’s loss.

“It’s going to be okay…” A sweet voice whispered inside her head.

As Alicia continued to walk down the hallway, she remained mentally preoccupied which led her to walking into someone. She stumbled back a few steps, but remained standing, as she was pulled out of her thoughts.

“S-Sorry,” Alicia stammered, apologizing for the minor accident. She didn’t even bother looking up to see who she walked into, but rather kept walking along. As she took a few steps, she felt a hand cover her shoulder.

“I said I was-”

“Alicia, it’s only me, breathe.” Alicia moved her hands from behind her neck to her sides as she turned around to see who it was. She looked to see who she walked into and saw it was Nastia. Despite her feeling of comfort that it was only her teammate she walked into and not another person, she still felt anxious.

“Oh… Hey Nastia, sorry I walked into you,” Alicia breathed, turning her gaze away from the other girl. She waited for a word of dismissal, but heard none.

“It’s all right. Have you been crying?” Alicia turned her gaze back to Nastia, wondering where the other girl gained that idea. To her surprise, Alicia found tears on her cheeks as she lifted a hand to touch her face. Mildly chuckling, she wiped them away.

“Apparently,” Alicia answered, hoping she could leave. She looked over at Nastia and saw a look of worry on her face which made her even more anxious.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Nastia softly asked, placing a hand on Alicia’s shoulder. She saw the internal conflict in the other girl’s eyes and she kept silent, not wanting to pressure the other girl to do something she didn’t want to.

“Sure,” Alicia breathed, only to blink several times at what she said. She didn’t mean to agree with her, she was supposed to say ‘no, it’s okay’ and move along. Before she could say anything, Alicia found herself being led down the hallway. She looked down and saw her hand clasped with Nastia’s and it made her faintly smile.

As they arrived at a door, Nastia released Alicia’s hand and pulled out her keycard, swiping it in and unlocking the door. She opened the door, and walked in, but looked back to see Alicia planted outside in the hallway.

“You can come in, it’ll be the two of us. Shawn’s parents took her out and she won’t be back until later,” Nastia explained, noticing the hesitation on Alicia’s face. She saw the other girl remain out in the hallway so out of quick-thinking, she pulled Alicia inside, closing the door behind her.

Alicia bit her lower lip as she walked in, noticing the cleanliness of the space compared to her room with Samantha. She saw Nastia’s clothes neatly folded on one of the beds and took on a seat on the edge of that bed with her hands clasped in her lap. She watched as Nastia walk over to the other bed and sit across from her, eyes boring through her.

“What’s wrong Alicia, besides the obvious?” Nastia cautiously asked, making sure she worded her question wisely.

“Nothing else is wrong, Nastia! I’m pissed off that I fell twice, that’s all,” Alicia snapped back, causing the other girl to flinch. She didn’t mean to reply like that and not to her. She rubbed her face with her hands and deeply sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Nastia reached out and took Alicia’s hands into her own, holding them. She knelt down in front of Alicia to get her to look at her and what she saw made her heart break. There were more tears falling down Alicia’s face and there was a deeper look of pain in her eyes, and from that, Nastia knew that Alicia was hurting for more than what she said.

“Alicia, tell me what’s wrong. Don’t tell me nothing else is wrong because I can see it in your eyes. Please Alicia, talk to me,” Nastia pled, looking up at the other girl. She tightened her grip around Alicia’s hands, hoping to urge her on.

“Nastia…” Alicia whispered, feeling herself continue to break inside. She looked straight down towards her lap and the tears had forcefully made their way down her cheeks.

“Alicia…it’s going to be okay,” Nastia whispered, moving from the floor. She released Alicia’s hands and sat beside her, holding her. She felt Alicia’s arms wrap around her and then she felt something go through her.

“It’s… not… going to… be okay…” Alicia stammered, trying to stay relatively coherent. She felt the arms around her tighten and it both comforted and hurt her.

“Alicia… tell me what’s wrong,” Nastia whispered, rubbing one of her hands across Alicia’s back. She pulled away as Alicia tried to look at her. She watched as the older girl took a deep breath and wiped her face with one of her hands.

“I love you,” Alicia whispered, trying to explain her pain. She saw the confused look on the other girl’s face.

“I love you too, you know that,” Nastia replied back, noticing the unease from the other girl. Alicia looked up at her and tried to speak to her with her eyes. She saw the slow understanding from Nastia.

“Alicia-”

“Nastia?” The two girls looked over at the door, hearing another voice from the other side of it.

“Yeah?” Nastia called out, wishing that the interruption didn’t occur.

“Can you let me in, I kind of forgot my keycard.” Nastia shut her eyes and released an irritated breath. She released her hold on Alicia and stood up, walking over to the side table and retrieving the spare keycard that was on top of it. She walked over to the door and opened it, looking down at the other person.

“Explain to me how you can forget your keycard,” Nastia stated, raising an eyebrow at her roommate as she held up the card in front of her.

“I’m sorry, but I forgot to put it back in my wallet before I went to sleep,” Shawn honestly explained, looking up at her best friend. She started to put on a pout, hoping she could get away with this mistake knowing how much Nastia would be annoyed. She saw the rather frustrated look on the blonde’s face and saw that she started to soften. She heard the taller girl release an irritated sigh before pulling her into a hug.

“If you weren’t cute, I would kick you out,” Nastia stated, lightly squeezing the other girl.

Alicia stood up from the bed and cautiously look around the corner to see Nastia and Shawn hugging each other. She wiped her tears with the back of her hands despite the feeling of new tears starting to brim in her eyes. She felt her heart break at the sight and she knew that she didn’t have a chance.

“All right, all right, I’m sorry about my keycard, but I really have to go. My parents are waiting for me,” Shawn stated, pulling away from Nastia. She saw the questioning look on Nastia’s face and sighed.

“You didn’t leave yet?”

“They asked me if I had my keycard and I checked my wallet only to remember I left if here. Now, if you don’t mind, I have some shopping to do,” Shawn brightly smiled, hugging Nastia once more before taking her keycard and taking off down the hallway. Nastia lightly laughed before walking back into her room. She closed the door and saw Alicia even more broken than before. She was about to say something, but the older girl raised her hand and walked past her.

“It’s about you two, not you and me,” Alicia breathed as she kept stepping back towards the door.

“Alicia…” Nastia whispered.

“You don’t love me like that, you love her,” Alicia stated, wiping her face one last time before turning around and opening the door. She blindly walked out, only to walk into someone once again.

“Oh, sorry,” Shawn apologized, stepping back to see who she walked into. Alicia shut her eyes and plastered on a smile as she turned towards the younger girl.

“It’s okay,” Alicia replied back, keeping her eyes shut. To her surprise, she found herself enveloped into another hug which opened her eyes.

“It’ll be okay, Alicia. You have your friends to back you up and never forget you’re alone,” Shawn whispered, instantly thinking that it was the finals that was unnerving the other girl. However, she did know the real reason why Alicia was feeling what she felt; she could see.

“Thanks Shawn,” Alicia whispered, hugging the other girl.

“You’ll get through this… and what you truly feel,” Shawn quietly whispered, hoping Nastia didn’t hear her. She pulled away from the taller girl and smiled at her, noticing the relative shock on Alicia’s face. She gave Alicia a knowing look which spoke words to her.

“I’ll see you two later…” Alicia whispered, before walking away.

As Alicia turned the corner, Nastia looked over at Shawn with a questioning look. The younger girl looked up at her and shrugged.

“What? I forgot my hat,” Shawn replied back, walking past the other girl. Nastia shook her head as she watched the other girl walk into the room. She couldn’t help but think of what Alicia said and how she looked at her. She knew what the older girl meant and she wanted to talk to her, but she walked away. She knew she had to talk to her again, hopefully with no disruptions.

***

As Alicia walked into her shared hotel room, she saw Samantha newly showered wearing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt sitting on her bed, holding her medal. The younger girl stood up and dropped the medal on the bed before walking towards her, pulling her into a hug. Now, the onslaught of tears had come; Alicia couldn’t hold them back anymore.

“It’s going to be okay,” Samantha whispered, rubbing her hand across Alicia’s back. Alicia kept crying, thinking about everything.

“I wanted to say thank you for being there for me. I wanted to say I’m sorry for ruining our chances. I wanted to say I hate it when I love you because it hurts. I wanted to say that I loved those times we spent together. I wanted to say that I felt special every time you came to me for help. I wanted you to be proud of me today, but I failed. Now, I failed again… I just walked away from you and all I wanted to do was love you.”

***

Here’s the thing, I feel that this is complete, but still incomplete. I would continue on, but then I would need another song. Here’s the deal: would you like to see a sequel to this? If so, should I continue the pairing, or change it to the latter of the three pairings listed?

Autumn leaves turn to brown
Just like dreams get swept away
Spring always comes around
Till the first summer’s day
And I hope there never comes a time
Where life seems to pass you by
Cause you must realize

Cause everything in life will change
With every rainbow there is rain
Nothing stays the same
Years will pass and we will grow
One thing you’ll always know
That I love you now for all the things you are
And all that you’ll be

Even if we don’t have it all
We have all that we need
You know I’ll catch you when you fall
You start to doubt
But you believe
The future is impossible to see
And no matter what we become
You’ll be a part of me

Cause everything in life will change
With every rainbow there is rain
Nothing stays the same
Years will pass and we will grow
One thing you’ll always know
That I love you now for all the things you are
And all that you’ll be

You don’t have to worry about a thing
We move in different ways
But we’re still the same
And I will love
All that you’ll be

Cause everything in life will change
With every rainbow there is rain
Nothing stays the same
Years will pass and we will grow
One thing you’ll always know
That I love you now for all the things you are
And for everything you become
Cause I love who you are
And all that you’ll be

Shawn laid on her stomach on her hotel room bed, staring mindlessly at the laptop screen in front of her. She had her headphones plugged in and in her ears. She was tuned in an online radio station and she had requested a song that managed to reach the top of queue, considering it started to play instantly. She loved the song and she loved its melody, but she didn’t love the feeling it gave her.

Shawn felt displaced every time she listened to the song. She knew the song’s meaning could be used in a platonic friendship or a very deep relationship, but she always saw the song with a deep meaning and it made her hurt in a way that was confusing unto herself.

The song itself had a dedication and it was said on-air, but Shawn knew that the recipient of the dedication was not tuned in– it was an online radio station. The DJ of the radio station had let the song fade out before coming in to do a short voice segment.

“That was Emma Bunton with All That You’ll Be, dedicated to Miss Anastasia Liukin by ‘a special friend’ of yours. Tonight is slow jam request night, so keep sending in those requests. Keep it locked here on PhoenixTrance Online or (for those of you listening on radio) 105.3 FM.” Shawn flinched at the bump made by the DJ. She didn’t realize that the online radio station also had a radio frequency which made her think that maybe, just maybe, that Nastia could have been tuned in. Then again, the odds of that happening were slim to none.

Another song began to play and it started to wrench Shawn’s heart, so the young girl pulled off her headphones, but to her misfortune, she pulled out the headphones out of the jack as well and the song began to play from the speakers. She deeply sighed and turned the speakers off before laying her head against the bed. She closed her eyes and groaned, wishing that such songs didn’t affect her like so.

“It’s only a song…a song that means so much to me,” Shawn whimpered, opening her eyes as she began to trace the pattern on her blanket. She began to feel a burning sensation cross over her eyes and before she knew it, tears began to fall. She grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it, hoping that it would keep herself in tact, which wasn’t the case. Tears began to flow freely and soak her pillow, feelings began to overwhelm her and it scared her.

“Shawn?” The young gymnast froze at the call of her name. She knew whose voice was calling out to her, but she refused to move. She heard footsteps come closer to her bed and it made her grow anxious with every step.

“Oh crap…” Shawn thought to herself when she felt the side of her bed sink. She gripped her pillow even tighter in her hands, hoping that the other person would get the idea to leave her alone.

“Shawn, are you okay?” Shawn nodded into her pillow, hoping that it was good enough to send the other person away.

“No you’re not.”

“Well if you knew that answer all along, why did you ask?” Shawn snapped. She flinched at her action and she looked up at the other person, noticing the hurt look. “I’m sorry, Nastia– ignore what I just said.” Shawn turned away and buried her face back into her pillow, feeling a rush of guilt run through her.

“Shawn, what’s wrong?” Nastia softly asked, reaching out towards the other girl. She touched Shawn’s shoulder, but the younger girl recoiled away from her.

“Please Nast… just drop it,” Shawn whispered, pulling her face out of the pillow long enough to talk. Nastia bit her lower lip, she felt so helpless. The saddened look on Shawn’s face sunk her heart, but the tears that stained the younger girl’s face made her heart break. She wanted to pull the other girl into a hug and tell her that everything would turn out okay, but she didn’t want to risk another recoil again.

Instead, Nastia carefully turned towards the laptop that was still on and opened in front of her. She noticed the dedication page that was opened and she couldn’t help but read what was on it. She read the sent dedication and she couldn’t help but smile.

Quietly, Nastia typed in a request and a shout out, hoping the DJ would instantly bump the station with what she asked for, despite the knowledge that several other people were also waiting in line to get their requests in as well. She was ready to click send, but she saw another window opened, so she clicked the other window. The window read:

Hey Shawn John,

Thanks for tuning in on my radio station and I’m glad that it gives you your musical satisfaction. Hopefully you’re spreading the word about my station, I’m kidding, simple promotion couldn’t hurt, right? Anyways, when word had gotten out you listen to this station (which led to my getting several thousand hits), I ended up expanding my station online so many more people can tune in and I’ve also managed to find an empty frequency in nearly every major city in the world so people who don’t have a computer can listen to me on the radio. I managed to find several dedicated people around the world to collaborate with and now their home city is able to locally listen to my station on the radio. Thank you for being a listener and because of what you gave me (which was a large audience and a really huge opportunity) I’m going to give you (along with a few special other people) top queue during request times. If you have a request that you would like to have played immediately, send your request to the link provided below. Feel free to use it as many times as you like, but do keep in mind about the other listeners as well. Anyways, I will not keep you any longer so I once again say thank you and continue to listen.

DJ PhoenixTrance

Nastia raised an eyebrow and smiled as she copied and pasted her request and shout out to the new window the link in the message had provided. She typed in her name and prayed that the DJ would accept it. As she clicked ‘send,’ a feeling of nervousness and excitement began to overwhelm her.

A couple seconds passed when Nastia noticed a reply message from the DJ. She read it and smiled, realizing that her dedicated request would play right after the song being played. She checked the laptop and turned on the speaker volume. The last song was nearing it’s end and it slowly faded out. Nastia crossed her fingers, hoping that the DJ would pull their weight.

“All right guys, we have another special request tonight and we’ll be having a bit of a replay. The song is All That You’ll Be by Miss Emma Bunton, once again. This is dedicated to Miss Shawn Johnson by Miss Anastasia Liukin. I quote, “You don’t have to worry about a thing, we move in different ways, but we’re still the same and I will love all that you’ll be. I love you no matter and you will always be a part of me.” Miss Shawn Johnson, you have a great friend and hopefully you’re tuned in. Here we go, All That You’ll Be,” The DJ announced before playing the song.

As the song began to play, Nastia found herself smiling when the dedication was announced. She bit her lower lip as she glanced over at Shawn, who still hadn’t moved. However, as the song continued, Nastia could feel her heart clench and feel butterflies flutter in her stomach. She waited for Shawn to move, but the younger girl remained still.

The song continued to play and Nastia’s doubts as to whether or not Shawn would move at all started to run through her mind. She began to question if what she did was a reasonable thing to do, considering the circumstances present. The tension that filled the air started to choke her; she wanted to know that the other girl was actually okay and not feigning her feelings so she would leave.

As the song made it to the bridge, Nastia started to see Shawn’s shoulders begin to shake. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, listening to the other girl; realizing that she was crying hard into her pillow. Without a second thought, Nastia laid down beside Shawn and pulled her up against her body.

“Shawn?” Nastia quietly whispered, leaning her mouth close to Shawn’s ear. She carefully brushed Shawn’s hair away from her face, but the other girl buried her face deep into the pillow.

Shawn continued to sob deeply into her pillow, never letting up despite Nastia’s attempt to comfort her. The song started to pull at her heart and all she could do was continue to cry. She didn’t want to speak, she didn’t want to move form her position, she only wanted to cry.

Several minutes passed until Shawn’s tears subsided and she moved the pillow off of her face, letting herself breathe. She rolled onto her side, but kept her back towards the older girl. She clutched onto her pillow tightly, curling herself into a tight ball. She felt Nastia wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Shawn… talk to me,” Nastia whispered, leaning her forehead against Shawn’s head. She tightened her hold around Shawn’s, keeping her close.

“Did you mean it?” Shawn croaked, steeling herself for what was to come. Nastia deeply breathed and slowly exhaled. She contemplated as to what to say; would what she say comfort Shawn or continue to make her hurt?

“I did mean it, I do love you. You’re my best friend and you will always be a part of me,” Nastia explained, feeling Shawn go rigid against her. She raised her hand and blindly searched for Shawn’s hands, covering one of them with her own.

“Nastia…” Shawn quietly whimpered, closing her eyes.

“Shawn… tell me what’s wrong,” Nastia whispered. She closed her eyes and patiently waited.

Even more minutes passed, but Nastia remained patient. Music still played in the air, smoothly easing the tension that was in the air.

“I love you… that’s what’s wrong,” Shawn muttered, eyes still closed. She felt Nastia’s thumb stroking the back of her hand. She didn’t know how to react to the situation at hand; she was broken and her best friend was trying to pick up the pieces in a way that spoke so deeply within her.

“Why… why is it wrong?” Nastia whispered back, slowly opening her eyes. She felt Shawn shake against her; be it from anxiety or tears ready to spill out once again, she didn’t know.

Another few minutes passed once again, and silence encompassed the room. Nastia’s eyelids started to droop as time continued to pass by. Her arm remained around Shawn and her hand still covered the other girl’s. When Shawn stirred, Nastia blinked a few times, watching as the younger girl turned towards her. The torn look on Shawn’s face, mixed with the bloodshot and puffy eyes was enough to make Nastia pull the other girl into a hug, but she didn’t. Nastia didn’t want to ruin the moment if this was going to be the only opportunity Shawn was going to talk to her.

“Because… I really love you. You don’t get it Nastia,” Shawn muttered, eyes looking straight into Nastia’s. Nastia looked into Shawn’s eyes and knew what she meant. She faintly smiled and closed her eyes.

“Shawn, I love you. Maybe I haven’t actually showed it to you in a way that you would know, but the way we act is on the fence between just friends and more than friends. Shawnie, I love you with all my heart– you’re not the only one whose made radio dedications,” Nastia whispered, looking towards the other girl. She saw the confused look on Shawn’s face because she just did a dedication right in front of her, but then a knowing look crossed Shawn’s face.

“Y-you made up those dedications for me?” Shawn questioned, eyes full of hope. Nastia’s smile grew and she nodded.

“Ever since you told me about the radio station, I kept listening to it. I ended up sending my own requests and well, I remained unnamed. Luckily, the DJ played those songs immediately and you were listening,” Nastia quietly chuckled, closing her eyes.

Shawn quietly looked at Nastia, wondering if everything that was happening was real. Were they really having this conversation? Was Nastia actually telling her she loves her? Was Nastia really defining their relationship in a way that Shawn really wanted? Or was this all a dream that Shawn was living in?

“Nastia… do you really love me?” The older girl looked at Shawn quizzically.

“Shawn, I really do love you. I know you probably think that I don’t mean it in a way that you want, but I do. Shawn, there’s a reason why I always chose you to be by my side, there’s a reason why you’re my best friend, there’s a reason why dedicate those songs to you… Shawn, there’s a reason why I’m here holding you, trying to make you smile. I see the way you look at me, the way you act around me differently compared to everyone else– I notice. Shawn, would you believe me that whenever I’m with one of the other girls, I wish it was you? Would you believe me that every time I’m sad, I want you there with me; to hold me? Even if we’re in different places, if we’re in competition, I still hold you in my heart. If you look into your heart, you’ll find out that what you’re hearing is what you want to hear and need to hear.” By now, Shawn had started to cry once again; tears numbly flowing off her face.

Nastia sat up and pulled Shawn up against her, holding her. She felt the younger girl’s arms snake around her waist, clutching onto her for dear life. Her heart pounded in her chest, but she ignored it. She pulled away and pressed her lips against Shawn’s forehead before slowly pulling away and lightly pressing her lips against Shawn’s.

Suddenly, the entire world seemed lost to them. The music still sounded, but everything else seemed to stop for them.

Nastia slowly pulled away and looked down at Shawn, noticing her eyes were closed. She briefly smiled before leaning her head against Shawn’s.

Shawn could feel her heart beating against her chest after the kiss. She never felt so alive and open before. She was in love with her best friend and her best friend was in love with her. She knew things were going to change from that point on, but she knew that she had Nastia by her side. She knew that even though things may or may not work out for her, that Nastia would still love her and that she would love Nastia. The future was certainly out of sight at this moment, but she knew that she wasn’t alone in the journey to find out what would lie ahead of her and them.

“I love you Shawn, and I want you to know that you will always be a part of me. I don’t ever want to let you go or lose you– I always want you here with me,” Nastia whispered, watching as Shawn’s eyes slowly opened.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Shawn muttered, catching Nastia off guard. She saw the other girl flinch, but immediately softened at the question.

“Will you be mine?” Nastia questioned back, earning a smile from the other girl. She softly smiled and leant down for another kiss, knowing Shawn was ready to be with her.