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She didn’t know what to do. That was a lie, she did, but she really didn’t want to do that. What was that? Well, that was something she refused to ever acknowledge because that move could possibly make or break their “relationship”.

She glanced through the windshield, hands resting on the wheel, as she looked at Alicia who sat on the hood of the rental car. The entire drive remained as a relatively silent with the occasional sigh or blurt of pessimism; either from the Brown gymnast. They returned back to the barren lot and as soon as they arrived, an hour ago, Alicia stepped out and leant against the hood of the car, staring off at the city. Nathan sat in her seat, unsure if she should approach the other woman; their entire verbal fight finally sunk into her.

“I decided to try gymnastics one last time, but then you completely wipe the mats with me! I wanted to have a great final run, but then you decided to play Houdini and ruin it for me!” That didn’t hurt Nathan because it was out of anger and anyone would say anything when they’re angry. Then again, when anyone was angry, all inhibitions are gone and all truth is revealed.

“You didn’t mean to show up out of nowhere and blow me out of the water? Bullshit, I bet you totally planned this out! Holy shit man! I’m trying to do my best here and I want to be remembered for something more than falling during the Olympics, but you… you show up and screwed things up!” The strong venom beneath the words started to hit Nathan as she recollected that part of the conversation. She buried herself deeper into the seat and sighed, covering her face with her hand as she remembered the rest of the conversation. The sound of broken sobs and the feeling of tears soak through her shirt; everything started to open her eyes. She knew she was dealing with a heavy-hearted gymnast, but now she saw that she dealing with a broken woman.

“What the hell did I get myself into now?” Nathan murmured to herself as she tried to figure out where to go from there. She wanted to help Alicia as much as she could, but she didn’t want to be so self-involved to the point that she couldn’t get out… if she needed to get out.

Pour some sugar on me, ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me, c’mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me, oh, I can’t get enough
I’m hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah

Nathan glanced to the passenger seat and saw Alicia’s phone sitting there. She smirked at the ringtone and reached for the phone, looking out the windshield only to turn and find Alicia at another end of the barren lot, sitting on the gravel ground with her knees pulled up to her chest. Without a second thought, she looked at the display and answered the phone.

“Hello? Alicia’s cellphone, Nathan… answering.” There was a silence, but a few faint voices in the background. “Hello?”

“Hey, N-Nathan, is Alicia around?” Nathan turned to where Alicia sat and saw her completely detached from the world around her.

“Sort of, but she’s kind of busy. Can I take a message?”

“U-Um, I was just calling to see if she was okay, she never came back.” Nathan smacked her forehead and realized she forgot to ask Alicia if she had other plans, but it seemed irrelevant at the moment considering they were already at the barren lot.

“Oh, um, where are you? I’m taking Alicia back to the hotel soon and I don’t know where her room is,” Nathan replied back as she glanced at her watch.

“Room 305.”

“Okay, thanks, she’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, bye.” Nathan hung the phone up and tossed it back onto the passenger seat. She dejectedly sighed and opened the door, heading over to Alicia. She knelt down in front of the other woman and placed her hands on Alicia’s knees. She could feel the pain emanate in the air and it only made her wish that she could drive it away and release the young woman from it.

“Alicia, we should go now.” No reply, Alicia looked up at Nathan with bloodshot and blank eyes. Nathan felt her heart break at the sight and it deeply saddened her. Without another word, she moved to Alicia’s side and pulled the other woman against her, slowly rubbing the woman’s arm. She heard shaky breaths and felt Alicia’s face bury against her neck, hot tears sliding down. Leaving didn’t seem to be an option, only staying and letting the young woman release her pain was.

***

“Okay, didn’t Nathan say she’d be back soon?” The five American gymnasts stood, all sat around in Nastia and Shawn’s room, except for one. Samantha began to pace relentlessly around the small area, worried about her best friend. Everyone else watched her, waiting for her to bore some kind of hole through the floor and fall right through.

“Sam, calm down, they might’ve hit traffic or something,” Bridget stated, her eyes following the blonde in front of her.

“Traffic, at this hour?” Samantha squeaked as she turned around to face the brunette, her face expressing her disbelief. “It’s almost midnight!”

“Okay, Sam, calm down, we’re all worried here,” Chellsie said as she looked over at the evidently worried blonde. She could see Samantha ready to reply back when there was a quiet collection of thuds against the door. Everyone looked at the door and no one moved. Nastia sighed in exasperation as she moved from the bed and headed for the door, carefully opening it. She opened the door all the way when she saw it was Alicia… in Nathan’s arms. Nathan looked exhausted beyond comprehension and the fact that she was carrying Alicia, who was asleep, seemed incredible; what was giving her the strength to continue on?

“Sorry, I met a few speed bumps since you called,” Nathan stated as she slowly made her way into the room, watching as the others leapt from the bed and stood away from them. She passed them and laid Alicia onto one of the beds, only to find herself ready to collapse. Everyone watched as she turned, ready to leave and Samantha was ready to pounce on the woman, but someone else captured Nathan’s attention first.

“Come with me,” Shawn quietly said as she approached the taller woman, grabbing her hand and leading her to the bathroom, shutting the door behind them. The other four looked at each other with furrowed brows and confusion as to what just happened.

“What was that?” Bridget whispered, only to gain shrugs from her friends.

As soon as Nathan and Shawn entered the bathroom, Shawn released the taller woman’s hand, letting her go. Nathan groaned and walked over to the vanity, leaning against it with her hands propped against the edge of the countertop. She looked over to the door and saw Shawn leaning back against it with her arms crossed in front of her. The look of confusion, frustration and determination coloured the young woman’s eyes and Nathan knew that words could possibly be the least of her worries.

“Say it, just… say it,” Nathan whispered as she waited for the flurry of questions to come from the other gymnast, but only found silence, a short silence.

“Who are you?” Three words, only three words came from Shawn’s mouth, but they seemed to convey so much more meaning behind them; the sound of nervousness, confusion and bitterness were laced within each syllable. Nathan nodded and drew a quiet breath before she cleared her throat.

“I am Nathanial Taylor Mackenzie, I’m 23 years old and I go to UCLA,” Nathan simply answered, but because of Shawn’s tone, she knew that her answer wasn’t sufficient enough. She lowered her head and pulled herself onto the vanity, sitting on top of it. “That’s not what you want to hear, though, is it?” She heard Shawn sigh and saw a deadpanned look appear on her face.

“You’re a smart one. So let’s try that again… please,” Shawn uttered flatly as she looked up at the older woman. Nathan released a half-hearted chuckle and leaned back against the wall.

“I’m only here to help her, Shawn. I don’t know her, she doesn’t know me, but she needed help even if she didn’t want it. What else do you want to know?” Shawn smirked and shook her head as she looked down to the floor only to look passively back up at Nathan.

“You…? I don’t-you’re damned right she doesn’t know you! Helping someone never comes free, especially since she is Alicia Sacramone. I’m sure that didn’t go to your head.” Nathan blankly stared at Shawn. Who knew America’s Sweetheart was like so? When the words sunk into Nathan’s mind, she scoffed and laughed at Shawn’s naïveté.

“You think I don’t know that? Of course helping someone is never free, so please don’t start telling me that I don’t know what I’m doing. So what if she’s Alicia Sacramone, I could care less if she was Candice Parker, or Serena Williams; Alicia needed help!” Nathan shot back, only to realize her strong tone which made her sigh.

“You just said it, if it’s not free, what are you doing?” Shawn ran a hand through her hair and moved away from the door, walking over to the wall across from Nathan. Her gaze remained fixed at the other woman as she spoke; her tone inflicting accusation, “You have an angle. It’s not like she couldn’t've turned to any one of us!”

“Angle? Angle?! You think I have some kind of angle in all this? For crying out loud, I only want what’s best for Alicia! If you think I’m trying to get something out of helping Alicia, something for myself, sure, the only thing I want out of this is for her to be happy. I’m one of the damn peer counsellors at UCLA, so I do this every day!” Nathan paused, collecting herself as she realized her voice grow louder before she continued. “I don’t know why she turned to me when she had you all, but the only logical answer I have for that in my eyes is that she didn’t want to be seen as weak in front you all. She was your captain, wasn’t she? She was supposed to be the strong one and the one who held all of you up when you were all breaking, but I don’t think she wants to be seen as the one breaking. She probably thinks that what she’s going through, you guys wouldn’t get it and I offered her insight that probably gave her a reason to talk to me and not you.” The bathroom echoed every word; the walls sounded each sentence into Shawn. The unfiltered explanation drew her mind back to Alicia’s earlier words from the hallway; the desperation laced into her voice. It was almost too much for Shawn to hear, or bear. Alicia was the strong and capable sister and captain that everyone turned to and the idea of her being less than was conceivable, but the thought that it was reason enough not to talk to them was unfathomable.

“She… she feels like that?” Shawn whispered in a raspy voice as thoughts began to fly through her mind, reasons that Alicia would turn to someone else instead of them becoming clear. “But… it’s Ace…” Nathan moved from the counter and knelt in front of Shawn, taking her hands into her own as she looked at her. She saw the understanding in the Iowan’s eyes and knew she cleared some things, for now.

“She loves you guys, always know that. She wants what’s best for you and I want what’s best for her.  Please understand that, I’m not trying to undermine anyone, I’m only here to help. She’ll talk to you guys eventually, but if she’s comfortable with talking to me for now, will you not question it? If you’re wondering if I’ll tell anyone, that’s just against my contract and my conscience.” Shawn looked down at the woman in front of her and turned to the ceiling, unsure of how to reply to what was said. She squeezed the hands that held her own and pulled them away, wrapping her arms around Nathan’s neck.

“I don’t trust you 100 percent. If you are using her in any freaking way, you will have an entire team ready to hunt you down,” Shawn whispered, assuring the older woman that hell would break loose if they ever found out she was using Alicia to her advantage. Nathan chuckled and pulled away, looking at Shawn with a half-smile on her face.

“I’ll have to prove that I’m trustworthy, I know that and I wouldn’t doubt for a second you’d hunt me down. I’m just glad she has friends like you,” Nathan whispered back as she stood back up onto her feet. She leant back against the counter and saw the confused look that appeared on Shawn’s face. “What?”

“Don’t you have another competition tomorrow?” Nathan loudly groaned and rubbed her face with her hands.

“Yes and it’s well past midnight… great.” Shawn quietly laughed and headed for the door, opening it and leading Nathan out.

She didn’t know why she sent a text. She didn’t know why she wanted to talk. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have other people to turn to, but… she turned to her. She could feel her heart thump loudly in her ears as she brought her phone up to her ear.

“Hello?” She shut her eyes and realized what she was doing. She quietly sighed and leaned back against wall opposite of Nastia and Shawn’s door. “Alicia, if you’re there, answer me.”

“Hey,” She reluctantly replied back, trying to keep a light tone despite her raspy voice. She wrapped her free arm around herself as she looked up at the ceiling, wondering what she was meaning to say.

“Hey, what’s up?” Nathan’s voice sent tingles up her spine and she didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

“Nothing really, how are you?” Alicia heard the quiet laugh from Nathan and deeply sighed.

“You can skip the small talk, you know that?” The other woman responded back.

“Life sucks,” Alicia flatly replied back, only to hear another chuckle from the other woman. She glanced down the hallways, hoping no one would hear her.

“No duh, life sucks; we can’t do anything about it but move on and deal with it. But that wasn’t what you were about say.” Another silence hovered onto the conversation and it seemed that nothing else would be said. Alicia remained hesitant, she feared that saying too much would be completely stupid considering Nathan was practically a stranger to her, but the amount of hesitancy wasn’t strong enough since she still made contact with the other woman. She opened her mouth, ready to say something, when she heard another voice through the line.

“Nathanial!” A female voice called out from the other end, drawling the name. Alicia heard a loud grunt and supposed it was Nathan.

“Lindsay! Ugh, get off! I’m trying to talk to someone here!”

“Is it Alicia?” The Brown gymnast froze in the hallway. The idea of being caught-that didn’t appeal to Alicia at all.

“Ugh, none of your business dear friend, now please get-ugh!” A muffled thud and laughter sounded through the line.

“Nathanial!” Another female voice called out.

“Riley, get off! What’s with you two?” Alicia shut her eyes once again when she realized her conversation with Nathan had been completely interrupted.

“Seriously, is that Alicia?” Alicia heard the voice and guessed it was Lindsay. She was praying strongly, hoping that Nathan wouldn’t reveal her.

“Why do you think it’s Alicia and why would you care?” Nathan’s tone and reply was somehow comforting.

“Okay, well you and Alicia Sacramone have been pretty close these couple of days. And I care because you managed to make me care. Tell her I’m sorry about insulting her.” Alicia furrowed her brow and scratched her head. She was gaining some sort of apology?

“Whatever you say, now…” The line went silent until Alicia heard a faint thud and a grunt. “I’m going to take this call outside. I’ll be back.” The sound of footsteps, heavy breathing and a door clicking open then close occurred. “So, yeah, what were we saying before I got my behind jumped?”

“She’s apologizing?” Alicia immediately asked, unsure of how to take the indirect apology from the UCLA gymnast.

“Yeah, Lindsay apologized… sort of.”

“Why?”

“Because I decided to put everything in perspective for her; she went on a guilt trip and everything happened from there. I said that I would talk to her, didn’t I? Anyways, are you okay?” Nathan explained, only to cut to the main point.

“I’m perfectly peachy,” Alicia lied; wondering if that would throw the other woman off. She heard the scoff and knew what she said didn’t do anything.

“I saw the look on your face earlier. Dude, I didn’t know if you were about to run off, cry, or knock me out.” The line fell silent and Nathan wondered if Alicia had hung up on her. She leaned back against a wall and waited for some kind of response.

“You suck, you know that?” Nathan raised her eyebrow at the words. She started to make her way down the hallway.

“I do?” She heard a loud exasperated sigh and knew she was about to hear an emotional response.

“Because you do! I mean, you’re so logical it’s sickening! The way you perform during competitions, it’s way too perfect! Everyone’s brushing me aside because of you, you’re suddenly the number one player and I’m some washed up has been. I decided to try gymnastics one last time, but then you appear and completely wipe the mats with me and it isn’t fair! I wanted to have a great final run, but then you decided to play Houdini and ruin it for me! You totally suck!” Alicia retorted back, nearly yelling into her cellphone. She took a deep breath and ran her free hand through her hair. Nathan, on the other hand, cringed at the reply. She had a feeling Alicia was holding back her emotions, but she had no idea how much she was holding back.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“You didn’t mean to show up out of nowhere and blow me out of the water? Bullshit, I bet you totally planned this out! You knew that I wouldn’t be in shape to perform and that would give you enough time to plan out a new strategy!” Alicia shut her eyes and slammed her free hand against the wall near her. “Holy shit man! I’m trying to do my best here and I want to be remembered for something more than falling during the Olympics, but you… you show up and screwed things up! NCAA should be mine! Sure, I sound like a selfish jerk, but it sucks like hell that I’m starting to be pushed aside so easily!” Nathan raised her eyebrows and deeply sighed, running her hand through her own hair. She turned the corner of the hallway and saw Alicia pacing feverishly down one end, away from her.

“Alicia…” was all she whispered as she noticed the frustration in the other woman’s actions.

“Damn it, Nate, it’s not fair! I just… I don’t want to feel so weak!” Nathan took a quiet breath and walked down the hallway, her free hand behind her neck.

“I know it’s not fair, Alicia, but you have to take it into stride. You overcame Beijing and you can overcome this. I’m sorry you feel that I’m upstaging you, but I didn’t plan on it and you know that. I worked my ass off to get where I am and you worked yours to get to Beijing and you made it!” Nathan stopped herself and knew her tone started to sound unbecoming. She shook her head and tried to remain cool as she continued, “You worked yourself so hard that of course you’ll feel weak; you practically kicked your ass to make it on the Olympic Team. You recovered from the Olympics, but did you really recover? There will always be that thought that if you came back, would you really have anything left after the Olympics? You went back to Brown and then you’re back on the gymnastics team. You’re ready to run yourself into the ground.” Alicia clenched her free hand into a fist and faced the wall, leaning her forehead against it as she let out a shaky breath. She felt tears begin to sting her eyes, but she let them fall; fighting them didn’t seem worth it.

“You’re so… logical.”

“I’m not going to lie to you, Alicia, I’m here to talk. I told you, if you need or want to talk, just call me and you did. I’ll only tell you generally what you should hear and it’ll be your choice if you heed or ignore it.”

“Why do you care?” Alicia quietly asked, her voice breaking near the end, with tears falling down her face.

“Because I do… turn around,” Nathan whispered as she stopped walking and watched as Alicia slowly turned to her direction. She closed her phone and placed it into her pocket when she saw the other woman tightly clutch the phone and run towards her. She quietly grunted when Alicia ran into her, arms around her body; crying. She didn’t expect the reaction she received, but nonetheless, all she could do was carefully wrap her arms around the shorter woman, letting her cry. “Alicia…”

“I hate this, Nate… I hate this…” Alicia whispered, clutching onto Nathan as tight as she could. Her thoughts stopped running and all she could do was cry. All the pent up emotion within her started to pour out with every word, every tear and every breath. Her energy began to disappear with the release of emotion and the next thing she knew, her legs gave way underneath her, but Nathan managed to catch her before she fell.

“Alicia, we should get to your room,” Nathan quietly suggested, knowing the hallway wasn’t an ideal place to be. She looked down and saw Alicia’s face buried against her shirt, remaining unmoved even with the broken sobs against her chest. She felt her heart break with every choked breath and it made her sick to think that Alicia thought of herself as weak when she wasn’t.

“No,” the other woman flatly answered, turning her head slightly to breathe.

“But-”

“Let’s go for a drive,” Alicia croaked, hoping Nathan would say yes. She refused to see any of her teammates or her friends in the current state she was in, it was too… humiliating.

“Are you sure-”

“Yes, please… I need to get out of here.” Nathan took a deep breath as she reluctantly agreed, carefully standing up, helping Alicia onto her feet.

“It’ll be okay.” The two walked down the hallway to the elevator, both with relatively heavy hearts. Their departure, however, wasn’t left unseen.

The next day wasn’t as bad as before, she managed to keep herself falling, but she still found herself short from getting top marks… or runner up… she nearly missed placing at all. It ended with Team Finals Vault, she should’ve been able to wipe the competition with it, but she didn’t. She looked to her far left and saw the gymnastics team from LSU and found Nathan’s UCLA team at the top spot. She faintly smiled at the LSU gymnasts and almost fully smiled towards Nathan, despite the sinking feeling she felt. As they all moved from their spots, she found a flurry of smiles directed at her; most of them were from her teammates, but a few of them were from her teammates.

“What are you all doing here?” She looked in disbelief at her younger friends: Shawn, Nastia, Samantha, Bridget and Chellsie, all of them had smiles on their faces.

“Why wouldn’t we be here? You said that you were hanging up the leotard,” Nastia started, only to have Chellsie continue.

“But then we found out you were still competing and we decided to get our butts over here.”

“Don’t you guys have classes? Do your parents even know you’re all here?” Alicia questioned her friends, wondering how they managed to arrive in Lincoln with their school schedules as well with their parents’ consent. As much as she was glad for their appearance, she didn’t want to know that they were in trouble because of her.

“Okay, dude, duh we have classes but we managed to find out you were still competing so we all called each other up and flew over here. And, all our parents know-do you honestly think Nastia and Shawn can just appear here without permission?” Samantha immediately answered, cutting off the older gymnast. Alicia bit her lower lip and quietly laughed as she saw the glares from the mentioned women sent toward Samantha.

“Anyways, you did awesome, and I swear that you totally got ripped off by that UCLA girl,” Bridget said as moved the attention from Samantha.

“Yeah, but her vault was still amazing,” Shawn unknowingly answered, only to receive glares from the others, except for Alicia, who chuckled. She bit her lower lip and realized what she said.

“Yeah, Nathan’s vault was amazing, so it’s no surprise that her team won, right?” Alicia asked as she turned to look for the UCLA team. She saw the bright smile on Nathan’s face as well as the wide grins on the rest of the Bruins team. She was happy for them, that they won and that they had an excellent teammate, but it still hurt her to know that she nearly missed placing. When she turned back to her friends, she saw their concerned looks on their faces. Her face, in turn, pulled into confusion as she said, “What?”

“Are you okay, Alicia?” Nastia placed her hand on the older woman’s shoulder, noting the odd look Alicia had when she looked at the UCLA team. She also sensed the sadness in Alicia’s voice as she spoke.

“I’m okay-I’m okay Nast,” Alicia faintly smiled. She knew her friends weren’t convinced, but she really had nothing else to say.

“Hey Sacramone, you did awesome today!” The six young women turned to find the UCLA gymnast approach them, with a bright smile on her face, alone. Alicia looked up at the taller woman and quietly said a word of thanks.

“Thanks, you completely wiped us out of here.” Nathan sheepishly smiled and shook her head. “You were great though.”

“Thanks, but you still did awesome. A few of the other gymnasts, from other colleges, are gonna head out right now for a bit to a restaurant and chill out, do you want to come?” Alicia glanced back to her friends before she looked back up at Nathan. She solemnly shook her head and bit her lower lip.

“Thanks, but I have…” Nathan looked past the other gymnast and saw the rest of the Olympic Team before a smile crossed her lips.

“No problem, it’s all good. It’s nice to see you all.” The five other gymnasts smiled at the other woman and nodded in reply. They watched as Nathan turned back to Alicia and place a hand on their former captain’s shoulder. “I should get going; I’ll see you tomorrow at Event Finals.”

“I’ll see you later,” Alicia whispered back as she hugged the other gymnast.

“Of course, stay cool, okay?” Nathan whispered back, knowing Alicia would be the only one to hear her. She pulled back far enough to kiss the shorter gymnast’s temple before pulling away completely. She took one last glance at the other gymnasts before saying goodbye and departing.

“She seems really cool,” Bridget said as she watched the taller woman exit the gymnasium.

“Yeah… she is. Come on; let’s go back to the hotel and catch up, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Alicia deeply breathed as she turned to her friends with a forced smile on her face. She wanted to leave the gymnasium, everything seemed to go downhill; she needed to unwind.

***

The six young women stayed in Shawn and Nastia’s room for the remainder of the afternoon, watching occasional episodes of Gossip Girl, and catching up with each others’ lives. There were laughs, but a few tears were shed during their reminiscing.

“I’m glad for this, you know?” Alicia said as she looked at her friends across the beds, smiles on their faces.

“I missed this, I missed you all,” Shawn added as she turned to all of her friends. Alicia smiled and nodded as she picked at the comforter they sat upon. Her sudden quiet demeanour wasn’t lost to her once teammates and now friends; it wasn’t like Alicia to remain quiet for so long, unless something bothered her.

“Hey Ace, is there an ice cream parlour around?” The sound of Nastia’s voice pulled Alicia out of whatever reverie she was in. The older woman glanced at the blonde and saw a knowing look on her face which made her nod.

“Yeah, it’s not that far from here.”

“Good, let’s go get some ice cream,” Nastia stated as she moved from the bed, waiting for her friend to follow her. “We’ll be right back.” Alicia slowly followed her out of the room as they made their way down the hallway to the elevator of the hotel. Once they entered an elevator car, sure that it was only them, Nastia looked at the brunette whose expression made evident that she was in another world.

“It sucks, you know.” Nastia turned to her friend and saw the silent tear that ran down her face.

“What does?” was all she could say as she wiped the tear away.

“I’m feeling like a weak gymnast and the NCAA is completely kicking my ass,” Alicia quietly said as she gripped the railing of the elevator, her gaze directed to the floor. She felt a sinking feeling within her and she hated it. She didn’t feel the arm Nastia wrapped around her shoulders for comfort; it felt numb.

“You aren’t weak, Alicia, your body’s beat up tremendously. Besides, you can’t win everything,” Nastia replied back, suddenly feeling her friend freeze against her. The silence hovered in the elevator and it bothered her, she felt so helpless.

“It’s not about the winning anymore, Nast. I go out there and compete and it’s okay that… I’m not doing well, but it seriously sucks that I’m being pushed to the side so easily. I-I just don’t-I hate feeling so…”

“Washed up?” Nastia quietly suggested as she saw Alicia nod.

“I wanted to give gymnastics one last go before I officially retire, but it’s not going my way. Some people are so hung up when I fall because of the Olympics and I’ve gotten over it-” The words that came from Alicia’s mouth abruptly stopped. She remembered the day before when Lindsay openly insulted her, using Beijing as support, and the want to punch her out was strong. Then, the recollection of her at the bar came to her mind. Everything seemed to go against her and it made her feel sicker.

The elevator bell tolled and the doors opened. Alicia immediately exited with Nastia following behind her, worry written all over her face. She briskly walked through the lobby and ended up walking into another person. She muttered a word of apology, but found a hand wrapped around her wrist.

“Slow down, where’s the fire at?” Alicia tensed at the sound of the familiar voice. Was it a sign?

“N-Nathan,” The name barely slipped through Alicia’s lips as she looked up at the taller woman. Here she was once again, when she felt like dirt. She saw the suddenly concerned look on Nathan’s face and realized she must have pulled some kind of expression without knowing it. She felt the hold on her wrist tighten and she knew she should be talking; however, she didn’t speak when the hold on her wrist turned into a hold on her hand.

“Nathanial, hurry your butt!” Nathan looked down at their clasped hands and slowly dragged her thumb along the palm of Alicia’s hand. She glanced at the shorter woman and saw her gaze directed at the ink inside her hand.

“Coming!” Nathan called out as she gently squeezed Alicia’s hand before letting her go and turning to Nastia with a small smile on her face. She patted them both on the shoulder before running off to the elevator where most of her friends were.

Alicia deeply sighed and balled her hands into fists as she shut her eyes, turning away. She started to walk out of the hotel without a second thought. Nastia looked back to where Nathan disappeared to and wondered what the exchange between the two was about. She furrowed her brow and turned back to look at Alicia, only to realize she was already halfway out the door.

“Alicia!” she cried out as she ran after the older woman.

***

The two returned to the hotel with a small carton of vanilla ice cream in tow, but the earlier low moods remained. Alicia stayed silent throughout the small walk and remained so when they returned to the hotel room. The others picked up on the mood, but decided not to push on it, knowing Alicia would eventually voice her troubles. They ended up quietly watching Grey’s Anatomy, though the heavy mood lingered on everyone’s mind.

During a later episode, Nastia noticed as Alicia pulled out her cellphone and glanced at her left palm before sending a text. She furrowed her brow and watched as Alicia speedily typed in a text and put her phone away, only to have it ringing a few moments later.

“Hey, I’ve got to take this, I’ll be right back,” Alicia stated as she stood up and left the hotel room without another word.

She wasn’t supposed to fall like that. She wasn’t supposed to fall period. It was a Floor Exercise, she was supposed to be pro at it, but she fell. She fell at the Olympics and now she fell once again at the NCAA. She was nervous and it wasn’t fair because this wasn’t the Olympics, it was another college competition… against other colleges in the country. Now, here she was, sitting at the bleachers waiting for her next event as she saw her name drop on the scoreboard.

“Bears are supposed to be fierce, not clumsy.” She looked to the side and found two women approach her in their sweats; one of them with an evident smug smirk on her face, while the other had an exasperated look. She clenched her fists and fought the urge to punch this know-it-all for insulting her indirectly.

“And what are you supposed to be, a blueberry?” Alicia retorted back as she looked at the full blue and white leotards and sweats the other young women had on. She unintentionally pulled on a glare and watched as the one with the smug smirk glare back at her.

“Blue bears with a punch,” The woman who had an exasperated look quietly said as she looked to the floor, not noticing the blank look on Alicia’s face.

“At least we weren’t the ones who cost America gold at the Olympics.” Alicia flinched at the words and was ready to stand up when the quiet gymnast quickly spoke.

“Okay, let’s go because I have a Floor Routine to get to,” The gymnast quickly interjected as she wrapped an arm around her verbal teammate and dragged her off to the other end of the bleachers. Alicia blankly watched as they walked away, but she saw that young woman look back towards her mouthing a word of apology.

***

The NCAA Championships preliminaries ended with a heavy blow to Alicia. She deeply sighed and found herself fifth beneath a Stanford gymnast and that UCLA gymnast whose friend offended her. The loss and the words spoken to her hurt her deeply despite hearing it before and it unfortunately led her to the bar of the hotel most of the teams stayed at for the NCAA Championships. She sat at the bar and hadn’t bought a drink… yet. The bartender approached her once again, the third time that evening, and asked her if she wanted some kind of refreshment. Her mind juggled between yes and no; it wouldn’t be a great idea if someone from the other teams or judging panel saw her drinking.

“No, she was waiting for me.” Alicia turned around on her stool to figure out where the voice came from and who discouraged her drink. She saw a tall female wearing a baby blue loose top with a denim skirt and white shoes while her dark hair flowed down her shoulders. She furrowed her brow and wondered who this woman was when she recognized the worry lines on the woman’s forehead. She watched as the woman approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder, looking at her. “Come on; let’s go, sorry about the wait.”

“Oh, weren’t you the one in the top three from today’s competition in gymnastics?” The bartender’s question caught both Alicia and the woman by surprise; a bartender knew about gymnastics? Alicia looked over at the other woman and forced herself from smirking.

“Me? Nah, you probably have me confused with someone else. Anyways, let’s go,” The woman brightly smiled as she grabbed Alicia’s hand and practically dragged her off of the stool and off to the main lobby.

“You lied,” Alicia flatly stated as she looked up at the taller woman. Her eyes gazed from their clasped hands back up to the woman’s face.

“So sue me,” The woman jokingly said as she finally let go of Alicia’s hand as they entered the main lobby. She collapsed onto a chair and looked over at the other woman whose look of disapproval made her laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Alicia asked; her brow knitted together as she spoke.

“Do you ever notice that you’re giving off some kind of look?” The next look that came about was a confused one.

“What?”

“Right before you asked me what was funny; you gave me this really annoyed look or something. Like earlier, when you gave us a comeback about being blueberries, you glared at us,” The woman answered back, only to be receive a blank look from Alicia.

“I glared at you?” The woman nodded which made Alicia frown. “Hey, you guys insulted me.”

“Yeah, that was Lindsay’s doing, not mine. The only reason I said anything was to try and lighten the mood and to keep you two from killing each other on the spot. With Lindsay, agreeing with her takes less effort because what she said was obscure-mentioning the Olympics was low, yes I know-but everything else could’ve been taken by stride. I, eventually, talk to her and get her to understand what our perspectives are.”

“You sound like a sheep,” Alicia scoffed at the explanation.

“Okay, if I disagreed on the spot, then there would be a heck of a lot of more pointless bickering between all three of us. Which would you choose? Bickering on and on about nothing or agreeing and just moving on, letting me talk to her after and get her to apologize?” The woman asked back as she backed up her thought. She saw the conflict in Alicia’s eyes and knew she delivered her point across.

“Okay, I’ll give you that, but why did you have to drag me from getting a drink?”

“You know what, come with me.” Alicia watched as the woman stood up and extended her hand towards her. She raised an eyebrow and questioningly looked at the practical stranger.

“And I’m going to trust a stranger, why?”

“Because this stranger saved you from being possibly attacked by the other teams and your coach if they found out you were about to get drunk because you lost today.” Alicia glared at the woman for assuming such a thing, but that rationalization was relatively dead on.

“What makes you think I was gonna get drunk because of losing?”

“Come with me and I’ll tell you. If I’m wrong, you can tell me why I was wrong.” Alicia looked between the woman’s face and the hand extended towards her. She knew that saying yes would be completely unorthodox because the woman was a stranger and saying yes could lead her to her demise. Without full thought, she placed her hand in the other woman’s and allowed herself to be taken away.

***

The two drove up to a barren lot that overlooked Nebraska and exited the rental car, approaching the guard railing. Alicia smiled at the skyline; the city lights brightened her mood. She looked up at the sky and saw the many stars and the bright moon; her negativity disappeared. She leaned against the hood of the car and turned to her companion who, too, sat on the hood beside her.

“How did you know about this place?” Alicia watched as her companion crossed her arms over her chest and smiled.

“My brother stayed in Nebraska, went to university here and he showed me a few places where it’s pretty quiet so he can get away.”

“Your brother went to Nebraska? Then why are you in UCLA?” A quiet laugh was all Alicia heard. She watched as the other woman nodded and looked at her.

“Yeah, my brother went to Nebraska because he was a big writer and wanted to get some exposure with the U of Nebraska Press. As for me, I went to UCLA because L.A. has something there I like and between UCLA and Stanford… UCLA’s mascot seemed more appealing than Stanford’s.” The explanation about the choice of mascots made Alicia chuckle, even if she had to choose between UCLA and Stanford by mascot, she would’ve picked UCLA any day.

“A tree doesn’t seem that appealing unlike a bruin,” Alicia smiled as she turned her gaze back to the skyline in front of her.

“And drinking during a competition doesn’t seem appealing either.” Alicia froze. She really didn’t want to talk about the incident at the hotel’s bar… at all.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Don’t even think of closing up on me now!” Alicia deeply sighed and moved from the hood and re-entered the car. She leaned the seat back as far as it could and stared at the ceiling of the car, hearing and seeing her companion enter the driver’s side. She remained silent and clasped her hands over her abdomen, trying to think of a decent explanation for being at the bar.

“You were right.” She looked over at the other woman and saw her seat tilted back all the way, lying on her side towards her with her elbow propped against the seat and her head resting against her hand.

“Go on…” Alicia sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“I was at the bar… because I lost today,” She reluctantly answered. She turned back to the other woman and saw an expression that spoke words to her; she knew her companion wanted to hear more.

“I’m not judging you.”

“Well… okay, it was Beijing… when I fell… twice. It sucked, man, feeling like you cost your team gold. I know that mathematically we wouldn’t have won, but still, my falls just happened to be icing on the cake-makes me instant scapegoat. Ugh, when that… teammate of yours decided to bring that up, I wanted to punch her out because she didn’t know what I felt that moment, what we were going through! I just wanted to momentarily forget about it, you know?”

“Alicia, this is alcohol we’re talking about. If you keep turning for a bottle of booze every time you feel like crap, you will be like crap. I mean, if you wanted to momentarily forget, talk to you friends or something. Look here, I took you up here and you looked down at the rest of the city and you forgot about Beijing and about losing.” Alicia looked back up at the ceiling and smiled because that was true, she did forget about the negativity when she looked down at the city.

“Are you always this right?” The other woman laughed and sighed. Alicia turned back to her companion when she felt a hand clasp with her own.

“Seriously, though, don’t turn to alcohol because it isn’t worth it. Talk to your friends, talk to your family, hell, talk to me for all I care, just don’t drink.”

“What happens if I want to talk to you and we’re not in the same competition-hypothetically speaking, of course?” Alicia watched as the woman released her hand, sat up, pulled out a pen from the visor and grabbed her hand, writing numbers against her palm. “You’re writing your phone number?”

“Cellphone, feel free to call whenever you like-or text, I don’t think it’s possible to answer calls in the middle of class.”

“Are you serious?” Alicia asked incredulously.

“My words might not sound serious, but I am. If you need to talk, want to talk, just call me if you have no one else around or if you just want to talk to me period. Keep the drinking at parties or none at all, okay?” The woman stated firmly as she made sure her phone number was inked into Alicia’s hand before she clasped that hand once again.

“You’re really serious?” The incredulous look never left Alicia’s face.

“I already wrote my number, so of course I’m serious. Come on; please set your seat in an upright position because we are heading back to the hotel.”

“Already?” Alicia watched as their hands disconnected and her companion replaced her seat back to its original position. She eventually complied and moved her seat back, but her gaze never left the other woman.

“It’s getting late and we have another competition tomorrow.”

“Oh great…” Alicia groaned as she pulled her seat belt on.

***

Alicia headed back to her hotel room with the other woman beside her. They remained relatively silent with the occasional small talk in the mix. When Alicia arrived to the door of her room, she looked up at her companion and smiled, quietly thanking her for the reality check.

“It’s okay, I’m glad to have distracted you somehow.”

“Still, thank you.” Alicia felt a small kiss pressed against her forehead and then it dawned upon her. “Wait, I never got your name.”

“Nathanial, but I go by Nathan or Nate. I’ll see you tomorrow at the gym okay, Sacramone?” Alicia raised her eyebrow at the odd choice of name for a female, but nodded nonetheless as she watched the other woman walked down the hallway.